I Really Like It Here
by JackpotGirl
Summary: RPF! Lea and Darren are hiding their relationship, it works just fine when they visit his parents in SF but as their romance grows, the secrecy becomes a problem. Rated M for mature themes.
1. Chapter 1

_**Genre: **Romance/Relationship_

_**Pairing:** Lea Michele/Darren Criss (Learren)_

_**Rating: **K _

_**Summary: **Lea and Darren are hiding their relationship, it works just fine when they visit his parents in SF but as their romance grows, the secrecy becomes a problem.._

_**Status:** In-Progress_

oOo

**Chapter One**

The fog pushing through the mountains was thick but still glowing mysteriously, drenched in the same peachy tone as the night sky above them. The city lights painted it in shimmery pastels, just like back in LA but unlike LA, here maybe about ten or twelve stars shone their way through the glimmer.

The Golden Gate Bridge was lit with yellow spots, shooting up to the giant abutments that emerged from the fog as if materializing out of nowhere.

It was quite a sight. She'd never been here at night, let alone so solely undisturbed. There was not a single soul in sight on the little green viewing platform but them.

She walked slowly, almost solemnly across the grass, wrapping the blanket she'd taken from the car a little tighter around her body – fall was creeping in on them and it was the middle of the night and getting cold.

A couple of feet ahead of her was the slender silhouette she was walking towards with certain steps and she felt his ribcage expand with a sigh as she wrapped her arms around him from the back, draping the blanket around them like a cape that hung too low as she'd snook her arms under his.

He instantly closed one of his around her hand on his stomach and brought the other one a little awkwardly around her neck, making her head peak out from behind his broad frame, inbetween his side and upper arm.

"I like it here", she said, her cheek crazing his light rain jacket, the blue one that always made him look slightly like a toddler, "I like it a lot"

She glanced over to the other side of the river, the skyline, the street lights she could see, everything misty and a little blurred by the signature San Fransisco fog.

"Makes you feel so small, looking at the city like that, so many lives, so many stories..but it's nice", she mused, "it puts things into the right perspective"

He let out a short huff of agreement and then dipped his head, placing his lips on her hairline. He didn't really kiss her but she still closed her eyes at the familiar touch.

When she opened them again, she changed her position; with two quick steps she stood in front of him – arms and blanket still wrapped around his torso but now she was facing him and their gazes locked for a second. He licked his lips and she knew that he wasn't going to say much, not for a while at least. He could pull that off..he did that sometimes. That was one of the greatest differences between them.

As soon as she had a thought it already dropped from her lips, she spoke and thought at the same time and while he could do that too, he also had the ability to hold back, to think something through before saying it, which made 80 percent of the things he said that much more meaningful than hers. An uncanny ability she sometimes envied him for, but she also greatly appreciated it because he made it almost poetry when he spoke, if he wanted to. But now it was late and they'd talked the whole time in the car. Now the silence seemed appropriate, after all it always had something magical to arrive at a destination you'd sat in a car for hours to reach – or a plane or even walked by foot, she thought, remembering the countless hiking trips she'd dragged people on.

She looked up to him again and smiled and he lifted his hands to cup her cheeks gently and then leaned in to kiss her. It was a soft and gentle one but it still made that inexplicable light flicker in front of her closed eyes, it broke through the darkness like an army of fireflies and she enjoyed the sensation before he pulled her into a tight embrace.

"It's good to have you here", he mumbled next to her ear, "but I think we should get going, it's getting cold and I still have to get us home safely..and if we stand here much longer I will collapse on top of you and you'll have to carry me to my house without directions"

"Let's not do thaaaat", she agreed, her last word fittingly floating into a hearty yawn.

But before she let him out of her grasp she tilted her head upwards to nudge his to the side, gathering a little space to get on her tiptoes and kiss him again, but longer this time.

Her hands snaked into his hair that was getting damp, combing through his curls as she made him part his lips, she let the blanket drop to the ground and kissed him harder, waiting for the familiar blend of a moan and a sigh to escape him, just to make sure he was at least a little more awake than before.

Finally, he set her back on her full feet and smiled one of her favorite dopey grinsl running his palm over his face.

"I needed that", he said, reaching for the blanket and together they staggered towards the silver Chevy they'd rented for the long weekend.

Once they were settled in the car again, he turned on the air conditioning and his music; they'd listened to her Broadway collection for the better part of the way and now "Darren's Long Drive Mix"-playlist flickered across the screen of his iPhone attached to the cars sound-system with melodic yet unostentatious numbers that oddly fit their drive back into the fog.

She told him about the last time she'd been in San Fransisco, only pausing when they were crossing the bridge, trying to make out her surroundings, hoping to see the Ocean but it was an hapless endeavor, all she saw was peachy glowing mist.

So she resumed her story as they drove past the outskirts and into the city and told him about the one time she and her mother had gotten lost in China Town and after hours of pointless walking in circles had found a little side-street restaurant with the best Chinese food ever since the invention of China and how the place was enchanted because when they returned the next day to show the place – and the food – to her father it was nowhere to be found. She wondered aloud if it had been a collective Fata Morgana dreamed of by two starving and tired women or if they were plainly such hopeless navigators that they'd simply lost it in the midst of all the similar looking streets.

He laughed a quite brittle laugh in response which didn't necessarily reassure her that he'd actually listened but she wasn't mad, after all she was really just talking to keep him awake.

After a while they left the city center and the thickest fog behind them as they drove into more suburban pastures, the houses became fewer, smaller and the streets slimmer and at some point he started talking again, passing a couple of houses where he'd used to go to play-dates as a kid, the infamous house he'd bombarded with pine-cones to serenade his middle-school-crush and a little playground with a swing-set and a slide.

She glanced out the window, smiling, almost seeing a much younger Darren climbing on everything and anything, playing on some structures he'd constructed solely in his mind, having the best time in his imaginary word. And suddenly she was sure that they would have been the best of friends back then, a slightly sad thought at the same time because, well..she would have liked nothing more than a friend like him then. She'd always been a little too quirky for the kids her age, little Lea had always been all over the place and with that funnily enough also a little _dis_placed. But as her eyes wandered over the swing-set, driving by, she could see them there, shadows and schemes, two little kids, Lea and Darren, happily building castles and magic worlds with their minds and she winced a little with a longing for a past she'd never have.

Her thoughts were quickly dispensed though when Darren made a right turn into a one way street flanked with the broadest houses they'd come across yet, stopping a little down the road at the second to last house on the left side, pulling into the spacious driveway past a waist-high hedge.

She glanced over at him as he pulled the key out of the ignition and slightly slumped into his seat, somewhat accomplished.

"Home sweet home", he muttered and took her hand, squeezed it lightly and then pecked her quickly on the cheek before getting out of the car. A wave of cold air hit her harsh in the face and she gasped, bracing herself to get out and join him on the concrete. She did so just in time to help him hoisting her suitcase from the trunk. She had of course packed for weeks rather than days, packing three outfits for each day just in case and it did bear a certain humor that her luggage was matter of factly twice the size of his. He'd joked earlier that it was all shoes but it was only twenty percent shoes..not that that was any less telling.

He dug his hand into his jacket pocket after having set his small suitcase on the ground between them and handed her his key-chain, gesturing towards the little stony way to the porch and took both their cases, ushering her forward.

She walked slowly, curious to see his house in the dim light from the street lantern. It was nice and big but not too massive and even though the bushes of wild roses lining the front wall were impeccably trimmed, the grass on the lawn grew freely and looked like it hadn't been mowed in at least two months. She strangely enjoyed how this didn't seem to go together and still did.

She imagined it must've been nice to come home to that..their house in Tenafly hadn't been half as big. When she's gotten her first solid money and was able to put enough to the side, she'd bought her parents a bigger house, which made her wonder if that was something Darren considered but then again if they already had a house beautiful like this one, there really wasn't much sense in getting another generic one..this one just looked..genuine, like it had really been lived in. She could see how one could get attached to it.

Thinking this way, she probably already was a little attached to it. How could she not, though? This was where he grew up, where he spent his summers as a kid, where he came home to every day and played hide-and-seek with his brother, he'd probably even learned to ride a bike on the very street they'd just drove up. These facts alone made it impossible to even think about giving up that house – in her theoretical musings and she decided not to ask Darren about it, as to not give him any ideas.

When they reached the door, Lea tentatively turned the key in the lock and waited for the silent click, letting them in, making as little noise as she could.

The second they passed over the threshold, she felt lulled in by the warmth and the scent of the house. Even in the sporadic light it looked so cozy and it smelled..well, it smelled just like a home should smell, like the wooden floors, a little like detergent, probably coming from the drapes and then there was another note of something exotic in the air, like from incense sticks or a potpourri of flowers and spices. It was just as an exciting mix as the trimmed roses and the free growing lawn and it just fit. It fit the idea she had of the house Darren grew up in and the idea she had of his parents..it made sense.

With a muffled 'clunk' Darren set down the suitcases onto the wooden floor next to the stairs leading up and put one hand between her shoulder blades..they were cold on her bare skin and she shivered, but not unpleasantly.

"I like it", she whispered and felt a little like a broken record.

He grinned at her approval and then leaned in to speak quietly.

"Let's just leave these here for the night, I think we'd make too much noise getting them upstairs", he said, "And I can give you some shorts from my old closet"

She nodded her okay and let him take her by the hand, following him up the stairs, past a bunch of framed pictures lining the wall like a small family gallery and there he was, little Darren as she'd imagined him on the playground, a head of full hair and a smirk just like he had now, in the driveway with his brother, Darren's Mom, Darren's brother at a piano, middle-school-Darren and High-School-Chuck, Darren in midst of some familiar faces, Joe and Joe and Lauren with a blue grad cap barely taming thick curls underneath. She smiled lovingly at the picture when she felt Darren pull impatiently at her hand..apparently she had stopped walking altogether, lost in the memorabilia of his life before she'd known him.

"Mehh", he whined in a hushed tone, semi-seriously, "Bed now, Memory Lane tomorrow"

She nodded sheepishly and caught up with him quickly, on tiptoe until the end of the corridor – he stopped her before he opened the door.

"Just keep in mind that this room basically hasn't been touched since I left for college, okay?", he explained under his breath and then he added with a pleading voice, "Please don't laugh"

Lea nodded vigorously and hoped she could keep that promise but when he opened the door she couldn't see how she wouldn't. The room was nice, just as homey as the rest of the house she'd seen.

The floor was the same as the corridor, hard wood in a dark brown, with a foresty-dark-green carpet under the two-people-bed.

Darren let go of her hand and lit one bedside-lamp that drenched the room in warm yellow light, revealing a shutter-doored closet to the left and another door, probably leading to an own bathroom and a little study and bookshelf to the right.

Lea walked over to that while Darren rummaged around in the closet. She let her fingers trail over a chest-high dresser that was topped with more photos of Darren, mostly with girls..they'd always radiated towards him as it seemed..she was surprised to not find any trace of dust on her fingertip as she removed it..his Mom had probably cleaned the room, anticipating her sons arrival.

There was a huge "Lord Of The Rings"-poster on the wall and over the study hung a pin board with newspaper-clippings, more photos and some sheets that appeared to have lyrics scrambled all over them, on the side there was a ripped out sketchers-ad of Britney, circa early 2000s with a comic-y mustache painted on her face with a blue marker and a speech bubble saying "Hit Me Baby One More Time", in all caps, below it, in Darren's familiar handwriting, just a little wider, "What does that even mean?"

She chuckled when she saw it and he let out a "Huh?" from the other side of the room.

She turned around to find him looking at her, a set of large boxershorts and a gray T-shirt in his hands.

"Oh", he smiled when he saw what she was cheekily pointing at, "Just sentimental decor"

He shrugged and threw her the clothes, adding; "I'm gonna go brush my teeth"

She caught the fabric and began undressing, musing how there were so many things so like Darren in this room but that also some things seemed to be missing, giving away that no one constantly lived her anymore, the little things Darren kept in his house in LA, the chess board, most of his books, the silly toy-cars he took such pride and joy in..it was missing here but it was still charming. She felt like she'd stepped into a time capsule and it was exciting to get to have a window into his life growing up like that, just like wearing his old boxers and shirt did, she thought putting them on.

They oddly smelled like him..he probably still used the same detergent his family used.

That thought made her smile.

Seeing this side of him made her feel like she throuroughly knew him finally and it was a weird sensation to stand in his childhood-and-youth bedroom, feeling like she somehow belonged there. She wondered if she'd known him back then, if they'd eventually ended up together as well..she was dead sure that back in High School she would have just about worshipped the ground he stepped on.

She wondered what it would have been like to only have each other to care for, to not worry about anything but being together, with nobody hugely interested in their puppy love. No photographers, no weary bosses, no gossip blogs that somehow felt like they had the right to share their relationship with the curious world..like an invisible third party in their union. Had they been together back then, it would've just been them..no one else to worry about.

The faint longing returned, wishing she could go there with him, not for long, she wouldn't really want to trade their lives, despite the complications, but just for a week or a month or so, she'd love to see how their relationship would be if it was freed of the outside pressure and the constant need to beat around the bushes and keep it relatively low-key. So much that she couldn't even really kiss him whenever she wanted to..

When she joined Darren in the bathroom, he had already stripped to his boxer briefs and was brushing away.

"I like your room", she said, forgetting about her almost grim thoughts immediately and let herself slump flush against his back, putting her hands lightly on his hip bones, tracing the 'V' line she was so obsessed with, loving the feel of his warm skin under hers. She put a soft smooch between his shoulder blades and felt him quiver.

"Cold hands", he shuddered, white foam around his lips and she laughed quietly as he buckled forward to rinse his mouth.

"Sorry", she smirked and letting him go, grabbing a still packed toothbrush from the sink, "Is that for me?"

"Yep", he said, retracing back into the room and spoke from the doorway, "Mom thought of everything, she even remembered that I told her your favorite color was purple"

"I already love your Mom", Lea said and waved the purple toothbrush in the air like a trophy.

A few minutes later, Darren was already spread out under the comforter, smiling groggily when she made a silly sexy pose leaning against the door-frame.

"How do I look in your old, frumpy clothes?", she asked seductively.

"Hey", he protested meekly, "They aren't _that_ bad..but yeah, very sexy, better get over here so I can cuddle you to sleep, you sexy beast"

He held the comforter up as an invitation and she couldn't resist long, almost running to him, jumping under the blanket and snuggling close to him.

"Ah, cold feet", he whined again.

"Then make them warm, you baby", she said, mocking him and before he turned out the light she made sure he saw her roll her eyes.

He chuckled faintly and ran a finger through her hair, fixing a strand that had escaped into her face.

"I really, really like it here", Lea said, sleepily, very aware that she was repeating herself but he took it gladly and kissed her with acknowledgement.

"I'm really, really glad you do", he muttered, suppressing a yawn, "I can't wait to show you everything, there's the little coffee shop down the street and.."

He mumbled on but by the third thing he mentioned his voice drifted off as he fell asleep mid-sentence. He did that often. And she smiled because..well, it _was_ adorable.

She took a while to sleep, until his feet had fully warmed hers but then she eventually dozed off as well.

Lea woke up from muffled rumblings coming from the bathroom. She suspected Darren at first but then she noticed that he was still sound asleep next to her, one arm draped over her belly and she tried to sit up without disturbing him, turning her head to the noise. It was already light out, warm sunbeams breaking through the heavy curtains.

Suddenly a face appeared, peaking out the bathroom, a middle-aged woman with a kind face and precisely Darren's eyes.

"Oh sorry", she whispered hurriedly, leaving the restroom and walking with quick tiny steps towards the door, "I didn't mean to wake you up, I'd just forgotten to put new towels in the drawer"

"It's fine", Lea hurried to say, "Really, thank you so much..um..I'm Lea by the way"

She tried not to think of how awkward it was that she met his mother properly for the first time while literally in bed with her son…

"I know, he told me he would bring you, we're all very excited to meet you", she smiled kindly and it was just as infectious as Darren's smiles, making her feel just as warm and welcome inside and she felt an even stringer bond to the woman when she affectionately glanced over to the mess of black curls beside Lea and sighed happily as only a mother can about her son returning home, "He sleeps like a stone, doesn't he?"

Lea nodded, looking down at him, her impression instantly matching that of his mother, praising, like he was the most precious thing..they were united in that thought instantaneously.

"Well, I'll let you go back to sleep now, just come down whenever you feel like it, I'll get breakfast ready", his Mom said and Lea felt her sympathy grow by the second.

"Thank you so much Mrs. Criss", she said eagerly.

"Always", she said, "And you can call me _Biyenan*_"

oOo

*google says this is the tagalog word for mother or father in law..if it's not, please correct me.

Also this is not to say Darren and Lea are married (because it would be weird if she only then properly met his mother) but I liked it for the ending so..humor me :)


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's **__**Note:**_Okay, so I decided to try and make this a multi-chap fic..maybe I'll keep it up.

But that said I'm really horrible with finishing chaptered fics and I find it so much easier when people actually review..so if you have thoughts, any thoughts at all about this..do share.

_**Content **__**Warning:**_ The rating goes up for this chapter. There's smut ahead. You've been warned.

**Chapter Two**

Lea didn't go back to sleep as Darren's Mom had offered, instead, she turned over to him and gently nudged his shoulder.

"Darren", she whispered and waited for him to stir..he indeed slept like a stone and it took her nudging turning into solid shaking until he tiredly opened his eyes, linking up at her confusedly.

"What?", he muttered.

"Your Mom says she'll get breakfast ready for us", Lea informed him, unable not to smile at how adorable he looked, eyes barely visible through his squinting.

"She was in here?", he asked, a little more awake, running his hand over his face and sat up.

"Just five seconds ago", Lea nodded, "She told me we could sleep in but I thought it was the sensible thing to wake you up"

"Sensible to _her_", he huffed and smashed his head onto her shoulder and while he was at it put a lazy kiss on her skin which made his mocked annoyance even less believable.

She kissed him back, quickly on his dark curls and squeezed him with her head on his, bringing her hand up to cup his cheek.

"My poor baby", she laughed but knew just how to make it up to him, "Fancy a wake-up shower?"

He was wide awake at that, having his sheets tangled around him in a second as he jumped up rapidly.

Lea laughed loudly and got out of the bed herself, shooting him a seductive look, complete with an eyebrow-raise and walked over to the bathroom.

She heard Darren getting off from the bed and his quick steps behind her and the the lock of the bathroom click. He stepped behind her smiling, as she could see in the bathroom mirror and handed her her toothbrush before loading his own.

She loved these little things, something as silly as brushing teeth together like that, it made it so easy to imagine how really living with him would be like, to wake up next to him every morning, going through their routine, like the most normal, most boring couple in the world. She got a downright kick out of it. It was a fact that she was built for relationships, she usually didn't have flings and from her teenage years on, she'd practically been with someone all the time, she liked it better this way, liked the security.

Except with Darren everything was a little bigger, a little scarier, she already loved him with a need and necessity that she'd barely felt for her other boyfriends even after years and they'd barely been together for two months. She was terrified to loose him, terrified how he'd leave her, _if_ he left her.

She didn't even want to think about it, how utterly broken she would be, even if he left her now, she could feel her face twitch just with the mental image.

"What's wong?", Darren mumbled through foam and against his toothbrush, catching her change of expression immediately.

"No'ing, I was jus' 'inking", she mumbled back and then got so irritated with the lack of ability to properly pronounce words that she ducked over the sink and spit out the toothpaste, rinsing her mouth before she spoke again, "I was just thinking how this is the most wonderful morning already and you may never leave me"

He chuckled beside her and rinsed his own mouth, tucking the toothbrush away and then closed his arms around her, enveloping her with a tight hug, "I will never leave you"

It was all smiles and cuddles for Lea and she was reaffirmed, of course the nagging worry would never quite leave her, that was the prize she had to pay for being so utterly happy; that it might not last because there where no guarantees for anything and they were in a kind of difficult position, with only few people knowing about them and the mutual desire for it to stay that way.

Right now though, none of that mattered, it only mattered that he loosened his hold on her and tucked at the hem of her shirt, meeting no resistance as he pulled it over her head and left her bare chested. A chill ran down her body at the sudden brisk air and she quickly turned around to press the exposed skin against his, kissing his collar bone and for a moment just enjoying the feeling of their bodies entwined.

They stood still in their embrace for a couple of seconds, both sighing because it just felt good, whole..like home and so utterly right. Still, all too soon, she remembered how Darren's mother must've surely been waiting for them and reluctantly, she let go of him and stripped off her shorts to get into the shower.

"Wait", Darren exclaimed as he got into the spacious shower behind her, pushing her behind him protectively while she barely refrained from pinching his butt-cheek..it was just so round and tempting, "Getting the temperature just right is kind of a risky business"

With almost scientific precision, Darren started fumbling around on the cold and warm tabs and the first drops of ice-cold water dripped down on them from the waterfall-shower head.

Darren groaned and Lea gasped in shock, the water was horrifyingly cold and merciless on their naked bodies and Lea grabbed the metal rail that was installed at about her heads level to steady herself.

"No kidding", she exhaled but then the temperature changed already and suddenly it was boiling hot and Lea jumped even more, "God, Darren!"

"I'm sorry", he said sheepishly, pressing himself against the wall to not be hit by more steaming water, "Almost got it"

A few more moments of hesitation and then Lea felt brave enough to get under the stream, which now had a good temperature, slightly too warm than too cold and she laughed when he turned toward her with a triumphant smirk.

"Now let's just hope that no one in this house flushes the toilet within the next twenty minutes and we're all set", he said before kissing her hard, water flowing down their faces.

She smiled against his lips and got on her tiptoes to deepen the kiss, throwing her arms around his neck and nibbled at his bottom lip, demanding entrance to twirl her tongue around his, grabbing his wet hair. She moved rhythmically against him, her motions having the desired effect as he grew hard against her belly and she smiled when he brought up his arm to steady himself this time, holding on to the rail and pushing against her.

He broke the kiss to lick and bite down her neck, while his free arm traced her skin down from her chest to her hips where he lingered, his teasing near her ear causing Lea to sigh in approval.

He damn well knew what he was doing and had done so from the very first time, even through both their inhibitions, through the questioning if sleeping together was even remotely a good idea, despite both their nerves; he'd given her the utmost amazing time, each touch precise and self-assured. Sure he would listen to her body's responses, fastidiously noting every kind of reaction she had to his touches but he learned so swiftly that she hardly even noticed he hadn't been planning to touch her just where she needed it in the first place.

Aiming to prove to herself that she had picked up a couple things too along the way, she removed his hand from her waist and put it on the rail too, so that he had her cornered between the wall and made him step back a little so she could get on her knees.

He gasped in anticipation and that alone would have made her day but she wasn't done yet, she sat down so she had a relatively comfortable position, letting her fingers run down his frame as she did so and found him almost all the way hard. She decided to work with that and began placing little kisses toward the inside of his thighs, working her tongue in licks and flicks closer to his sensitive skin. When she was almost there, she took his hardening length into her hand but just held it there for a while to reach below it, kissing and sucking, carefully monitoring his quivering movements to see which angle, which force and speed he liked.

She did that for a while but he began thrusting his hips slightly towards her, urging her to go on, he even managed to thrust into her hand a little bit, leaving no doubt of what he wanted her to do.

Smiling, she let him hang for a bit but not too long, not enough to really be teasing, just long enough so that he would properly anticipate the touch of her tongue.

She slowly licked up his shaft before helping with her hand to keep him in place and then took him into her mouth deliberately, waiting for his reaction and was rewarded with a groan.

The endless flow of water down his body made things a lot easier, everything flowed quite naturally which made amping up the speed less of a physically exhausting task.

She varied her speed and the length she took him in, excited at every jolt she was able to curse through his body, proud of herself for tightening the muscles of her lips around him enough to make him curse and call out her name. After all, she was a trained singer, she knew very well how to use her lips and tongue.

He was now rock hard, bopping in and out of her mouth and she felt accomplished, especially when his hand fell onto her head and he drew tiny circles against her temple, grasping a strand of hair, pulling her back a it.

"I can't stand much longer", he whispered against the continuous sound of running water.

Dutifully, she released him then, sure she could have made him come. But if he didn't want to yet, who was she to spoil his fun, and consequently her own.

He held out his hand for her to grab and helped her get back on her own feet, attacking her lips and neck again as soon as she stood erect.

"You're so incredible", he muttered and kissed her lips and face again while his hands where at work on her breasts, cupping them and using his thumbs to make her breath hitch in her throat all the while his hard-on was pressed flush against her stomach. It made every nerve in her tingle.

Not willing to wait a second longer, she reached for him again, grabbed him hard, eliciting a delicious, high-pitched gasp and positioned him between her legs.

She was wet enough without even a drop of the water and she wanted him to know that. She continued to lightly brush his sensitive skin against hers and his head fell on her shoulder, biting her but not really coordinated anymore.

"Fuck", he hissed and then he took over, swiftly guiding her hands to the railing and then grabbing her ass, lifting her up effortlessly so she could wrap her legs around his hips.

He helped with his hand to get the aim just right and he looked at her for an endless, breathless second, knowing just what he was doing.

This one look of hunger and lust and the blind wish to just consume her made her pant more than his first thrust inside of her. The amount of need and longing, his purely physical desire for her, mixed with an affection and love that could have never been translated into words made her wince just as much as his steady pulling in and out of her did.

Their bodies crashed against each other in a frantic rhythm, Darren had been estimating this to take about twenty minutes earlier but it was apparent that neither of them were gonna last that long.

He made sure that enough of his skin touched every sensitive part of her, helping her to come before he did and she had no intention of dragging it out.

She arched her back into the motion when she felt the familiar waves building up in her body and moaned and breathed heavily when something inside her exploded, her muscles tightening and releasing against him and his name dropped like the water from her lips.

"God", she murmured, "Darren"

Darren waited for her to ride out her orgasm and then took her nod as cue to finally slam hard into her, using five forceful thrusts to send himself over the edge as his head fell back into his neck.

He took his time, breathing heavily, holding her on top of him for as long as possible and finally looked at her again, a sly smile contrasting his dark, lusting eyes.

"Best morning ever", Lea smiled back and found his lips again.

"Yeah", he agreed when she let him take a breath, "and it isn't even 8 am yet"

Lea supported herself against the rail when he sat her down to wobbly feet and they helped each other properly shower, both positively drained and speechless.

They got dressed in a lazy haze, both heads still clouded with their morning action and so Lea didn't even protest when Darren put on his purple shirt with a red zipper hoodie on top of it.

Usually she would have scolded him because the colors that didn't quite match but this time she didn't care.

She put on fitted jeans like him and one of his slim boy-shirts with the Ninja Turtles on it.

But walking down the stairs minutes later, she already regretted her pants-decision.

She was a little sore and the fabric rubbing against her thighs did not help. She pursed her lips and he misread it as nervousness, squeezing her hand lightly.

"They're gonna love you", he said reassuringly.

"I hope so", Lea muttered, now suddenly worried they wouldn't. She hadn't really thought about it at all before but what if they couldn't stand her? If they found her dull or rude or liked his ex-girlfriend better or thought she wasn't good enough for him.

God knows she never would be remotely good enough for him, she thought, but she would like it if _they_ didn't feel that way.

Darren pulled her onwards through the corridor and then made a left through the homey comfy living room she barely had time to take in and walked her over to the big mahogany dining table where his Mom and Dad automatically rose to their feet.

_Uff_. She wasn't used to that much courtesy, it immediately made her feel terribly common and unworthy.

"Good morning", Darren's Mom said and so quickly, he had let go of Lea's hand and almost jumped over to her to give her a long, tight hug, repeating the same thing with his father.

Lea stood by, a little forlorn and wasn't really sure where to start. Thankfully Darren soon turned his attention back to her and made it a lot easier for her to plan her next steps.

"So, that's Lea", he said and gestured for her to join him, shuffling her towards his mother first, "Lea, that's my Mom Cerina – and my Dad Bill"

She eagerly shook their hands, trying to stand very well, trying to remember all the rotten ballet lessons, of course his Mom had already kinda met her but this was really the part that counted.

They smiled at her warmly and she sat down next to Darren, opposite Cerina and for a while no one said anything.

"So Lea", Darren's father started, "We heard a lot of great things about you"

"Really?", Lea replied immediately, voice raised with nerves and she grabbed Darren's hand under the table for support..why was she suddenly so nervous?, "I'm..um..I try"

"And you look gorgeous, dear", Cerina chimed in and Lea hardly knew what hit her, "I mean, you always look pretty on TV but in person...even more beautiful"

If there had ever been any doubt that these two people had raised Darren, now at the latest this doubt would've been gone.

"Thank you", she said and felt her cheeks blush, "thank you so much..um..I really love your house, it's..so pretty"

What was she even doing? She felt like the biggest loser in the world, _so __pretty_? That was the best she got? The house was warm, well-put together, made her feel safe and comfortable, it was the epitome of a great family home she would like to raise her children in but all she could come up with was 'so pretty'?

"Thank you", Bill said and then let his eyes wander over the set table, "Aren't you kids hungry?"

"Darren doesn't really eat in the mornings", Cerina informed the round with a knowing nod that Lea mimicked, glad to finally be sure of something.

"Yes, I've noticed", she said and smiled over to him. This was a settling thing to do, she found and resolved to look at him more often.

"I'm just not that hungry when I've just gotten up", he half-heartedly defended himself, "But we've been up for a while, so.."

Lea could almost hear the "dot-dot-dots" he left hanging in the air, feeling her checks flare up red again.

_What if they heard us in the shower?_

But if they had they were very sensible about it, neither of them commented or even acknowledged Darren's possible innuendo.

"What would you like to eat, Lea?", Bill asked politely, "We have some pastries, toast, bacon..?"

"Um..", Lea said but was cut off.

"- Bill, she's a Vegan, she doesn't eat bacon", Cerina said in an almost scolding tone.

"Vegetarian, actually", Lea said apologetically, earning a surprised look from Darren, "I just can't stay away from cheese"

"Ah, cheese..", Bill said knowingly and passed over a fully loaded cheese-tray with some baguette; this was quite the breakfast for kings. Lea thanked him enthusiastically, thankful to have the cheese to stare at for a while.

"I don't want to be nosy, here", Bill continued after Lea had chosen a slice of Gouda and another of Camembert, "but you two are being safe, right?"

Lea almost choked on her cheese. Darren just flat out coughed in shock.

"Dad!", he exclaimed in utter disbelief and yet again, it felt like they had tumbled backside first out of a time-machine, "We're...yes..God, yes, Dad, we are being safe"

"I'm just saying, it would cause quite the stir..", he said calmly, "with both your careers"

"We're being very careful", Lea said when she regained her speech.

"Well, well, enough of that", Cerina quickly interjected, sensing the discomfort in Lea's voice like her own mother would, "Why don't you tell us how you got together instead, Darren couldn't be bothered to give his nosy Mom some details"

"Oh sure", Lea literally jumped at the opportunity to leave the awkward question of protection behind before she had to tell them that she was on the pill and there was nothing to worry about, "It was just over work, really..we were shooting West Side Story and just..well, for me personally, I just realized that I was..well, in love"

Darren grinned at that and squeezed her hand harder, his eyes were sparkling with pride when she looked at him.

"It took us a while after that, though", he said, "It was a little complicated because no one should really know at this point so.."

"So this is a secret?", Cerina asked curiously and leaned a little over her plate, eyes growing wider.

"Until further notice, yeah", Darren said, "I think we want some time to ourselves before the world will know"

Lea nodded in agreement, she was still not ready to think about what would happen if they let people know..what the tabloids would say..what Darren's hardcore fangirls would say..

They could be pretty intense, driving Chris to a point of annoyance that he didn't want to cross the street with Darren because it would stir up any kind of weird rumors or even death threats from thirteen year olds..

Darren's parents nodded at their story and seemed okay with their wish to keep it on the down low for now and soon the conversation drifted into pleasant small talk; about the whether in LA, Broadway, Lea and Darren's inability to dance and a few amusing stories from Darren's childhood that he sat through with an embarrassed look on his face and constant remarks of "That's not at all how that happened".

After one and a half-hours, Lea helped Darren to get the dishes into the kitchen and met him leaning against the counter, head shaking slightly.

"I'm sorry that my Dad asked about.._that_", he said quietly when she leaned against him and pecked him on the lips.

"It's fine", she laughed, "They worry, that's totally okay, you've yet to meet _my_ Mom, she's very blunt about these things, so this was probably good training for when she corners you and asks you about any possible STDs you brought into this relationship"

They both laughed at this and Darren wrapped her up in his arms, rocking them from side to side.

"What do you want to do today?", he asked her in a small voice.

"I don't know?", she offered, "I'd really like to go find that magical China Town restaurant but..I'm open to everything"

"No, that sounds good", she felt him nod against her cheek, "Let's go on a quest to find the hidden Chinese restaurant"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Darren got behind the wheel after they had helped finish cleaning up the breakfast table and got their things for the day. Lea had thrown over a black, big, woolen jacket, pretty oversized but also low key and tied her hair in a slick bun, put one of his black beanies on top of it and a pair of sunglasses to hide most of her face. Like this, it would take people a while to figure out that she looked kinda familiar.

Darren wore his blue beanie and hadn't shaved and his rimless glasses weren't as attention grabbing as his black-rimmed hipster ones.

If they stayed away from too populated street corners, Lea doubted that someone would take notice of them, after all, no one knew they even were in San Francisco.

When Darren pulled out of the driveway, Lea took out her phone from her purse and opened her twitter account.

"What are you doing?", Darren asked curiously, driving the car out of the one way street.

"Just tweeting that I'll spend the day snuggled up on the couch watching TV", Lea said, "Decoy, you know"

"Sneaky", Darren smiled, "So when people see you in that magical Chinese restaurant today they will think, 'NO, it can't be her, she's in Los Angeles watching _The __Real__ Housewives_ reruns until her head turns blue'"

"_The__ Real __Housewives_ has high entertainment value, I don't appreciate you making fun of me for acknowledging that", Lea she bristled at him mockingly, "These women have real hard and heavy problems"

"Sure", Darren mocked her right back and continued imitating a high-pitched, snobbish woman, perfect with facial expressions, "Oh no, my pink purse doesn't match my red shoes but they're Louboutins and I want to wear them but the purse is Louis Vuitton and my friends haven't seen it yet, so I have to use it but woe is me, my life is horrible, what do I do?"

"See, just like I said", Lea chuckled, "Hard and heavy stuff, important questions in matters of life and death"

"Yeah, totally", Darren laughed, "Babe, could you get my phone and call Tran and put him on speaker phone?"

Lea couldn't help but chuckle a bit, reaching for his blue canvas bag on the backseat.

"What's so funny?", he asked.

"You called me 'babe'", she stated, while focused on opening his phone directory, "You almost never called me 'babe' before"

"You don't like it?", he asked in a way that she knew he would never call her that again if she said no now, well, except maybe to tease her.

"I do", she said, "It's just a little new, that's all, it's funny though, we're almost at two and a half months and we still haven't established nauseating nicknames for each other"

"What, like Pookie, or something?", Darren snorted, "Pookie-bear, Honey-bunch, Sweet-cheeks"

"I like Sweet-cheeks or Baby-cakes", Lea mused, "I should call you Baby-cakes"

"Way to undermine my masculinity, hun, Bravo!", Darren said into Lea's flare of laughter, "No really, I bow to you, I feel like a thirteen year old girl right now, that's very sexy"

He retreated to being pouty and didn't speak to her for the next couple of blocks. At first Lea played along and acted nonchalant, gazing out of the window at the Urban scenery, the Victorian row houses they were passing and, down many streets, past other houses that got steadily bigger until she was bored with that.

"Pull over", she said but he just _pulled_ another pouting grimace at her, "Darren"

Something in her voice made him comply and he pulled into a free parking space, turning to look at her, eyebrows raised, lips pursed and eyes curios.

"Come here", she said and waited out his mocked hesitation, knowing full well that the promise of her own raised eyebrows and 'come hither'-glance would do its job and make him lean in eventually.

He took his time though, but not more than she had anticipated and finally bowed his upper body over the stick, close to her face, until she could feel his breath on her cheeks.

"You don't feel like a thirteen year old girl to _me_", she whispered and then enveloped his lips in a kiss that would make him glad he was already sitting, cupping his face with her hand while the other snaked over his thighs and stayed there.

A few seconds in, he pushed his face into hers in response, opening her lips with a few little nibbles and grabbed her hair, trying to pull her even closer. She moaned a high-pitched sound and his breath hitched in his throat, sucking a bit of her own air out her her lungs, making her slightly dizzy.

After some breathless minutes he pulled back and she winced in protest but he gave her one of those looks that said that it was time to slow down, after all they still had the entire day in front of them and they were in a car in a city where people could theoretically see them and it wouldn't have been the wisest choice for Lea to just straddle him and take him on the driver's seat.

"Okay", Darren huffed and – as he did so often – rubbed his eyes and temples with both his hands, "Masculinity fully restored"

She couldn't help but chuckle at that, especially faced with the grown bulge at the head of his jeans, imagining that to be a little painful under the rigid fabric.

In an effort to look a way, she glanced down onto her own lap and found Darren's phone still sitting there, waiting to be used.

"Who did you want me to put on speaker phone?", she asked, her mind wiped completely blank.

"Tran N", he replied, ruffled through his hair and took a deep breath before starting the car again.

Lea complied, pushing dial and speakerphone and held it in the air between them.

"Yo, Darren man", and enthusiastic male voice called from the other line, "What's up? You in town?"

"Yeah but incognito, don't tell anyone", Darren said, navigating through the thickening traffic, "Listen, pal, can I park behind your restaurant?"

"Sure thing, I'll keep the gate open for you", Tran said, "Will you come by later?"

"I will, we just have to do some stuff and then I'll see you", Darren said, "But really, dude, incognito, no one must know, alright?"

"Got it, bro", Tran said and hung up.

"So we're dodging the car park?", Lea asked, tucking his phone away again.

"Yeah", he affirmed. "Plus Tran's parents restaurant is right in the middle of China Town, so we can start to work our way from around there"

They drove for another ten minutes and then through a couple of streets that looked like they'd driven through a portal straight to Hong Kong until Darren pulled into a narrow backstreet, made a hard left and drove onto a a spacious lot behind what Lea estimated to be Tran's parents restaurant.

When they got out she read the sign hovering over the back door "Thai, Viet, Chinese Specialties, Dim Sum, Sushi – Nygyuen's Deli"

"They have really great food", Darren informed her and locked the car, making his way around it to wrap an arm around her shoulder and kiss her head.

But more than that and a tight squeeze before he let go again wasn't in the cards, because they were making their way into the open now, where they couldn't be seen touching in any kind of intimate way.

Lea was pumped for their quest and the first couple of blocks, she was on a high, trying to remember where that magic restaurant had been and Darren kept telling little stories about the history of China Town, took her to and fro a couple of markets but after having walked almost three hours, Lea got slightly impatient.

"Meh", she said crankily and decided to just stop walking in the middle of the street. Darren took a few steps until he realized she wasn't walking beside him anymore.

"Meh?", he repeated her questioningly when he closed the distance between them again, "What is it?"

"My feet are tired and I'm hungry and I don't think we will ever find the magic restaurant", she huffed with resignation.

"Do you wanna go back to Tran's and have dinner there?", Darren asked her softly and she could see that his whole body was aching to touch her but he had to hold himself back, knowing there were so many people around them.

Finding the way back to the restaurant would have taken Lea hours but Darren swiftly lead her through side and backstreets, around buildings and past gardens and in under half an hour, they were back – but at the front side of the joint.

Darren smiled at her and then nudged her gently inside. She was welcomed by a wall of scent of pine and exotic food and her stomach growled approvingly as she propped her sunglasses on top of her head.

"Man", the familiar male voice of Tran called from the back of the nearly empty restaurant and a chubby guy of approximately Lea's height made his way toward them, giving Darren a tight bear hug and then turning to Lea – and his face turning ashen.

"That's not Mia", he stage whispered to Darren who laughed quietly in response.

"No, it isn't", he said, "That's my friend Lea, I'm showing her around the city"

Lea said Hi and held out her hand for him to shake with a giant smile, Tran took it but still seemed a little starstruck.

"I thought you were taller", he muttered and then seemed to catch himself, "So, um, you guys hungry?"

"Very", Lea smiled and let the guys lead her to a table a little in the back where they would have some privacy.

Tran produced two Menus out of nowhere and then excused himself and asked if he could borrow Darren for a second. This gave her time to glance over the menu, though utterly at a loss of what to order. Whenever she peaked up from behind it, she saw Darren and Tran engaged in a lively conversation.

"What was he on about?", she asked her boyfriend when he sat back down with her.

"He wanted to know if we were a thing", he said and smirked at her over his own Menu.

"And?", she inquired, "What did you tell him?"

"I said we were just friends", he answered dutifully and although she knew that she was supposed to be happy about that, because he stuck to their story and hadn't told, she still felt a pang. Just a general taste of unpleasantness that she couldn't let the world know that he was hers. And not Mia's or whoever other girl people thought he was with.

"Was that alright?", Darren asked her, noticing her chagrin.

"Of course", she said quickly, "Just sometimes I wish we didn't have to hide like criminals"

"Yeah, but imagine what the other option would mean", he argued, "No privacy, even more photographers, everyone all up in our business..."

"Sure, I know", her voice came out more like a sigh, "but it's still unfair, that I can't even hold your hand on the street"

"You know, one day maybe when things aren't as crazy anymore we can", he said earnestly, "But this is too big for me, okay? Like, I don't want to put any more strain...on this relationship and I don't want to share this yet, I want you for myself for a little longer"

"It's fine, really", she said, "We're on the same page I just..I need to remind myself from time to time, I don't want to risk anything either"

There was a little silence between them because going deeper into the topic didn't seem all the way appropriate right then and there and so they resolved to going back studying their Menus.

"Let's just get some Dim Sum", Darren said after a while, "The vegetarian plate and a bit of everything"

"Sounds good", Lea nodded, putting her Menu down, she was horrible with choosing, she would've sat there and deliberated for another hour what to get.

Darren waved Tran over and ordered and the three chatted for a bit, time passed quickly that way and when Tran returned with a little wagon load – literally, he pushed in the food on a serving-trolley, she was surprised how this hadn't taken longer.

"So, I'll be in the back, dig in, guys", Tran said, "And call me when anything is up"

"Thanks, mate", Darren said and started opening the lids to the little boxes of delicious smelling food.

They did dig in and even though she couldn't hold his hand over the table, it was still nice to just be with him like that, sit over dinner and just talk about anything and everything, in his home town, where he grew up.

Where so many things had shaped him into the marvelous man now sitting in front of her. It gave her heart a little jab of love to hear him talk about the city and his time in High School, she learned that Tran had been his friend since Middle School and they had lived through some pretty crazy stories. Getting to know that side of Darren was just so precious to her, she knew him in LA, she knew him at work, she knew him with Joey and some of the other Starkid friends she'd met but this Darren was again slightly different and intriguing, his speech changed a little bit, it got more layed back, a little lazier and almost reminded her of Dianna.

"What?", he asked her after a while when he noticed her eyes locked on him, with a smile that must've been dopey.

"Nothing", she said and took anther bite of her veggie rice noodle roll, "You just look so happy, that's nice"

"I am happy", he said and his foot wandered up her leg a bit, "I'm happy we could make this happen; that you're here"

"Me too, God, this food is delicious", she exclaimed and then took a beat because she had a very important question that suddenly hit her, "So..um, do you, like, think your parents like me?"

Darren chuckled as if it was a stupid question entirely.

"Of course they like you", he said, "How could they not?"

"Well, your father for one seemed a little unease with the thought of me giving him grandchildren", she said, an eyebrow raised.

"Trust me, he'll be the first to want to hold our baby, when we have one", he smiled and just like that, her heart leapt out of her chest, flew up to the ceiling, jumped back into her chest and beat on hard. He'd said '_when_' not '_if_' and '_our__baby_', as if it was an inevitability that they'd start a family eventually, rather than a possibility.

"You think?", Lea was not ready to drop it quite yet.

"Of course", he said again, "All they ever wanted for me was a nice, classy girl with a good upbringing, a strong sense of family and ambition, musicality and a broad horizon..you're all of these things"

"Oh", she said, beyond flattered because she thought she was not half as good as he painted her, of course she'd gotten a good upbringing and her horizon was quite broad but..she was not half as classy or sophisticated as she thought she had to be for him, "You really think that?"

"Why are you so self-conscious?", he asked her flat out with a bit of an amused look on his face.

"No, I mean..", she stammered, "I just..Just sometimes I feel pretty inadequate next to you, you're so smart and I'm just Lea from the Bronx"

Darren didn't even try not to laugh at her.

"You're not even seeing yourself clearly", he said and shook his head, "You're not '_just_' anything, do you have any idea how intimidated I was by you when we first met? I couldn't even properly talk to you the first couple of days because I was constantly in awe of you and I'm not any smarter than you, I just take a little bit more time to think before I talk, which is not to say that this makes me better, au contraire, I think it's very admirable that you wear your heart on your sleeve like that"

"Are you kidding me?", Lea said, "You just said '_au __contraire_' and '_admirable_' in the same sentence and you didn't think about it for a second, you're just smarter than me"

"You shut your pie-hole", he mocked, "I'm not smarter than shit"

Lea burst out laughing now but she still silently disagreed with him, she would let it lie though, because he wouldn't be argued with on that matter.

"Well, still -", she started but was cut off by her phone ringing on the table with a text message. She reached for it and automatically chuckled.

"What is it?", Darren asked between two bites of his fried shrimps.

"Naya, she wants to go to the Spa with me, since I'm just '_uselessly__ vegetating__ on__ the __couch_', as she puts it", Lea replied with a smirk, "What now?"

"Tell her '_Sorry__ but__ I'm__ on __a__ secret __trip __with __my__ secret__ boyfriend_'", Darren joked, while chewing.

"I think I'll just write that I'm in weekend hibernation and I don't want to leave the house", Lea mused, "but then she might still wanna come over..I need something ugly to keep her away from me"

With that she typed a quick response and smiled when she pressed 'send' and put the phone back on the table.

Darren took it almost from the air, curious as he was and started reading, soon bursting out laughing.

"Sorry, I can't, am in hibernation and I have -", and that's when he almost spit his food, "mean diarrhea"

Lea shrugged with a like-a-boss-attitude.

"It's good that this is a text because you're a horrible liar", Darren noted, something Lea protested instantly.

"I'm a fantastic liar", she argued.

"No, you're not, you only think you are because you're a good actress but when you lie it's all over your face"

"Just for you", she said decidedly, "Just because you can tell when I'm lying doesn't mean others can and you're so crazy attentive that you just notice but others don't"

"If you say so", Darren said with a playful eye-brow raise and their little teasing banter continued over dinner and the baked bananas they had for dessert.

Darren hugged Tran tightly, almost lifting the shorter, round man off his feet when they said goodbye and promised to call the next time he would be in town for longer so that they could go "hit the bay".

Towards Lea, Tran remained slightly weary with nerves, obviously afraid to make a fool of himself but she tried to ease his tension by pulling him in a tight hug as well, which took him a second to register until he squeezed her back happily.

Tran led them through the back door, to the lot where their car waited for them and soon they were already back in the calming San Francisco traffic.

It was around 4 pm when Darren turned down the radio and stopped singing along.

"I would like to show you something", he said and turned to her slightly, eyes jumping from her to the road.

"Okay? ...Is it scary?"

"No", he chuckled, making a left, taking them out of the city center, "More nostalgic than anything else"

Lea was always down for nostalgia, because it meant more intel on him and so she took the twenty minutes more in the car in stride and sang to some more songs with Darren. Really, she could just drive all through the states with him, just singing along to Oldies and 90s songs and Katy Perry and Blink 182 and Lady Gaga and his Disney collection.

Halfway into "Reflection" from Mulan, Darren pulled into a parking lot and ushered her out of the car, glancing around to find the lot and the road deserted, safe enough to taker her hand and entwine their fingers.

They were walking around a tall building that seemed posh and elite and Lea wondered what nostalgic value it had to her boyfriend.

That was until the came to an halt in front of a black sign saying "Stuart Hall For Boys"

"That's your old school", she stated, "that's where the picture of you and your brother is from, the one from the kitchen"

"Yeah", Darren said and soon pulled her on, around the building, telling her some story about how they used to race each other all through the halls until someone actually broke a leg.

Finally they reached a 6'6 feet high brick wall and without warning, Darren pulled himself up and offered his hand to pull her up too.

"What?", Lea said incredulously, "I'm sure that wall is there for a reason..I would rather not get arrested for trespassing private school grounds"

"Oh come on, it's Saturday, no one's there", he laughed, towering over her, "plus I'm an alumni, they wouldn't mind me going down memory lane for a little while"

Lea nodded wearily and took his hand, looking for a grip for her feet and joined him on the broad wall for a while, now overlooking a spacious playground, perfect with swing set, teeter totter and climbing play system and a little merry-go-round.

"Pretty", she acknowledged.

"The play-system is new – but the merry-go-round, man, good times"

Swiftly, he brought his legs over to the other side and jumped with ease, landing with poise and turned around when she clumsily brought her legs over to the other side.

He chuckled a bit at her effort and then extended both his arms upwards, ready for her to jump into them.

"I can't", she winced, "I'm scared"

"Come on now", he mocked, "I got ya"

"I'm too heavy", she insisted.

"Shut it", he was relentless, "Get your butt down here, come on Sweet-cheeks"

With a little shriek she pushed herself off the wall and fell right into his arms, his hands securely holding her at her ribcage and he softly put her on her feet, inches in front of him, bodies touching at length.

"Hi", he hummed and held her gaze.

"Hi", she muttered breathlessly and sooner than she could have anticipated, he pushed her against the wall and planted a hungry kiss on her lips, hands quickly wandering down her body, to her backside, pulling her towards him so her hips were propped against him, away from the wall where the rest of her body was trapped by Darren. But trapped in the most beautiful way.

She gasped involuntarily and felt his smile and his stubble against her lips, one hand automatically twirling his thick hair and he hummed in approval.

"Oh", she breathed when he paused, "We must never not do that okay? Like, we never stop randomly making out, okay?"

"Never", he promised, kissing her neck gently, "When we're seventy, we'll still sneak away from our grandchildren, leave them to their picture iPads and make out somewhere and they'll find us and be like '_Ewww_'"

"Ewww", she repeated him senselessly meaning quite the opposite but all too soon, Darren pulled away again, resting his head on her shoulder, pushing her hips against the wall again, away from him.

"You're such a tease", Lea aspirated, nibbling at his ear in her reach.

"I'm still learning, okay?", he said, truly apologetic, "I need to find the appropriate time to stop to not hurt"

"How does this hurt?", Lea asked surprised.

Instead of answering Darren propped her up again, lifting her to her tiptoes and pressed his whole body flush against her, his knee pushing her legs slightly apart so that his bulged front touched her just where it burned in her too and it suddenly made sense.

He stared at her, eyes dark, trying to breathe evenly.

"I think I get it", she muttered and her eyes fluttered shut, leaning in, initiating the kiss now, reaching to pull _him_ closer this time.

"Lea", he said in meek protest, "Honestly, it hurts"

"Sorry", she grabbed him again.

"You're still doing it", he followed her movement.

"I know", she kissed the sensitive spot beneath his ear.

"Let me go", he sighed and it sounded nothing like '_Let __me __go_'.

"You let me go", she said, feeling his hands tighten around her.

"No", he breathed raggedly but eventually let his head fall back again, out of her lips reach and held her in place, a little away from him, she squirmed and tried to get closer again but he was so much stronger than her, it was useless.

He looked up at her and chuckled at her pout.

"I'm sorry", he said.

"You know this is hard for me too", she said, "Just because I don't have something to show for it, doesn't mean I don't struggle to keep it in my pants as well"

She looked down between them to emphasis and he laughed again, his raw, hoarse laugh.

"I know baby", he said, finally letting her go and stepping away, wincing slightly at the movement, "I just need a second, okay?"

She nodded and touched his hand in passing when she walked to sit on the swing set, walking probably not by much less uncomfortable than it was for him.

She swayed back and forth lightly, watching him tentatively walking a few steps, putting his hands on his head, probably taking some deep breaths. He walked a while like that and when he strolled back over to her, his face still twitched slightly with every step.

"Everything loose again?", Lea joked as he set down on the swing beside her.

"Hardly", he joked back and they laughed lowly.

"So this is the playground baby Darren spent his afternoons on?", she asked him after a while.

"Yeah", he said, taking her hand again, so they swung back and forth in the same rhythm.

"I bet you were the king on here", she estimated.

"Well", he shrugged, "I was a funny kid"

"No, _I_ was a _funny_ kid", Lea argued, "and nobody liked me"

"I can't imagine that that's true"

"It is, though", she insisted gravely, "They didn't like it that I always spoke my mind and that I had my own opinions and stuff and they were mean"

"But not all of them?", he tilted his head with a sly smile.

"No, not _all_ of them but enough", she said, almost spiteful, "They took every chance to get at me, my clothes, my way of talking, my hair, even my last name"

"What did they say?", Darren asked, unable to disguise his genuine curiosity for politeness.

"I won't tell you", she huffed, "I never told anyone who didn't already knew"

"Oh come on", he sighed, "It can't be that bad, full disclosure, remember?"

"If I tell you I have to kill you"

"Lea"

"Darren"

"Come on tell me", he said urgently, "You can't tease me with something like this and then not say it, that's just cruel"

"Fine", she resigned, "but you must promise to never tell a soul, I don't want this to catch on and you must not laugh"

"Okay", he nodded with serious pursed lips.

"They called me..", she took a deep breath, "Lea So-fatty and..So-farty"

Despite his best efforts he snorted, face contorting with trying not to open his mouth and he surprisingly succeeded.

"Asshole", she grumbled.

"No", he gasped, "I mean, this one year at band camp everyone called me something like this and I just find it funny"

"What did they call you?", Lea demanded to know, "Come on, own up, I wanna laugh to"

He stopped laughing and turned to her with a serious expression, holding a hand out for her to shake.

"Darren Piss, nice to meet you", he said and she managed to not burst out for exactly four seconds. But then it was already over, her swing crashed against his, rocked by frantic laughter.

"'Cause that makes us Lea So-farty and Darren Piss", Darren hooted, unnecessarily explaining the humor, "The mayors of Urine Town"

"That's not even very funny", Lea blurted under tears springing to her eyes, holding on to his knee to steady herself, rocked again and again by laughter.

"It's not funny at all", he chimed in, followed by a loud, throaty laugh, "It's rather a bit..sad"

Lea laughed even harder and then, because it was the strongest thing she felt, swapping her body like a Tsunami wave, being the only thought she could think, so loudly that she couldn't keep it inside, she said between laughs; "I love you"

Darren stopped laughing.

The absence of his low registered huffing disturbed her and only then did she realize that she had said her thoughts out loud, dropping the L-bomb on them out of the blue.

She automatically sucked in air in shock and met his widened eyes, the ghost of his smile still on his face. They were both aware that this was the first time they had uttered these words to each other.

"I love you too", he said then, his voice higher, softer, in awe.

And suddenly everything seemed even better.

He loved her. _Loved_. _Her_. How odd.

How amazing.

How utterly perfect.

**Please reaview?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Thank you guys for all your reviews, I hope this fourth chapter is a nice late Christmas present for all of you. I wish you all the best and the greatest happiness in 2012!**

**As always, this is unbeta'd so excuse my mistakes :)**

**Chapter Four**

The second time Lea jumped off the wall into Darren's arms she did so with ease and a huge grin on her face. Everything seemed brighter, the colors more vibrant, the air humming with promise.

He loved her, what could possibly be better? Of course she'd known and he had told her early on that he was in love with her and he knew that it was the same for her but they had never said "I love you", instead of "I'm in love _with_ you"..just the fact, the three words, they'd never said that because the moment maybe hadn't been right. Now it was and she opened her arms and nudged her body off the edge.

He caught her and put her back on her feet like she was light as a feather – and she felt like it too.

"I love you", she said again, just because she wanted it to cross her lips again, wanted to feel it again, telling him, watching is eyes light up automatically and that amazing boyish, almost flattered and flustered grin pulling at his features.

"I love _you_", he said and took her hand leading her back to the car.

"What are we going to do next?", she asked him, letting herself drop into the passengers seat as he got behind the wheel.

"It's almost 6", he mused, more to himself than to her, "so we're going to go home now, change into our fancy clothes and drive to the San Francisco Symphony and see a violin concert with my parents"

"Uhh", Lea cooed, like an awestruck child, "The _Symphony_"

Darren chuckled and pulled out of the parking lot, driving them the twenty minutes home.

Back at the house, Cerina was already hurrying around the house in a bright green blouse and long black skirt.

"Darren", she called out when they just set foot in the corridor, "You're late, hurry now, we have to get going in ten minutes – Bill! Get ready!"

Lea almost hid behind Darren, slightly uncomfortable that they had delayed them like this.

"I'm sorry", she whispered, one leg already on the stairs to hurry into her dress.

"It's fine", he reassured, one pace behind her, "She always makes a big fuss and we end up being everywhere twenty minutes early, thinking we could have used that time at home.

"Darren", his mother called from the kitchen as if she had heard him, "Get dressed"

They hurried now, up the stairs, into his room, to their suitcases, giggling like kids.

"I feel like I'm thirteen", he said with a dramatic eye-roll, "betcha my dad will drive the car and we are gonna be sitting in the back like the kids do?"

Lea chuckled and held a greenish, light summer dress up to him for evaluation.

"That's nice", he said, "goes with my shirt"

He took his olive shirt out of his suitcase, swiftly changing into it and putting his suit jacket on top of it. They weren't super chic but would hardly be under-dressed on a regular Symphony night, as Darren promised.

Lea marveled at him for a second before stripping out of her own shirt and jacket, feeling his eyes on her as she slipped into her dress.

"You look beautiful", he muttered when she opened her messy bun and revealed now dry and curly hair, falling on her shoulders, her bangs to both sides of her face.

"So do you", she said, walking over to him and cupping his face with her palms, putting a small and tame little kiss on his lips that he happily leaned into.

"Are you ready?", he asked as they still stood close together in his old bedroom.

"Ready as I'll ever be", she smiled, "just let me get my purse and then we can get going"

They sat in the car exactly five minutes later, in the back-seat as Darren had predicted, watching Bill drive through the streets while Cerina asked them about their day.

"Have you said hello to Tran's Mom?", she asked her son.

"No, she wasn't in", Darren answered dutifully, while he took Lea's hand in his, "But Tran says hi"

"That's nice", she hummed, "He's such a good kid"

"Did you like your day in town, Lea?", Bill said, driving them back into the city.

"Yes", she replied, automatically sitting up straighter, "We walked through China Town and visited Stuart Hall, it was really great, I love San Francisco, it's one of my favorite cities in the world"

"But you two must be tired then", he said, "From all the walking around and here we drag you to a concert"

"No, no", Lea hurried, "It's fine, I mean, my feet are a little tired but I haven't been to the Symphony in ages, so I'm really stoked"

"And you will love it", Darren smiled quietly.

"We're going to see a violinist", Cerina informed her, turning back to them, "I wish Darren would practice a little more, maybe then he could play us a violin concert too, has he ever placed for you?"

Lea could practically feel her boyfriend squirm beside her.

"No", she said, looking at him, "I would love to but we're running on such a tight schedule on glee, we hardly have time to sleep..."

She let the sentence fade out, just implying that Darren was too busy to pick up the violin regularly beside his job because she didn't want to appear snotty, back-talking his mother.

"True", Cerina sighed, not seeming in the least bit offended which Lea noted gladly, "My busy busy son"

"What can I do?", Darren laughed lightly and put his hands on her back, sitting behind her and Lea smiled at his display of affection, she loved men that loved their families and Darren worshiped them.

"Have you ever been to our Symphony?", Cerina asked, turning to Lea, one hand patting Darren's on her shoulder.

"Only in New York", Lea said, "I've not even seen a Classical concert in L.A. yet"

"It's really beautiful", Bill said and repeated his son's promise, "You will like it"

She nodded and soon Darren leaned back to her, taking her hand again and it was just like he'd said; they sat in the back like children and while it was a little weird, there was also a great sense of security and shelter surrounding her.

She knew she was still nervous around his parents without any real reason, they were welcoming and helpful and genuinely sweet. She felt good, she just didn't want to disappoint them.

Around them, the sky darkened and Lea watched the buildings fly by in awe, still enchanted by the bay city. Bill had turned the music up a little, Best Of Frank Sinatra, which made her smile. They drove into a car park before Cerina told her they would have to walk the last five minutes to the Symphony – but not to worry, they were twenty minutes ahead of schedule. Just like Darren had said – he smiled smugly when they got out.

He quickly fell into step with his father, leaving Lea slightly behind with his mother but she didn't mind, she liked her and wanted to know more about her.

"Oh dear", the older woman said, looking down Lea's legs with her hand clasped to her chest, "How can you walk in these shoes?"

"These? Um..", the petite brunette gazed down on herself and her Peep Toe Louboutins, in glitter-dark blue, "I'm so used to these big shoes, I'm so short, so everywhere fancy I go, I feel like I need to stand a little taller"

"Darling, I'm short too but no army of thousands could get me into those shoes", Cerina laughed and linked her arm with Lea, after a little struggle to find where the hole to put it through was; Lea wore her dark knitted vest over her dress against the brisk air and was moderately shocked at the sudden touch but the second she realized what the shorter woman was doing, her heart leapt up with affection. It was such a warm thing to do, such a heartwarming gesture, like she properly accepted her in her company, proving physically that she had accepted Lea somewhat as her own. For a second it was hard to breathe.

"Wow", Lea gasped when she looked up to collect herself, faced with a huge round building, shining yellow and golden into the night falling over the city. It throned over the crossing and lit the street in a homey, welcoming, golden glow.

Cerina followed her eyes and then hummed in approval beside her, "We're here, beautiful building isn't it?"

The San Francisco Symphony had a two and a half story high rounded front, lined all the way with windows, granting full view of the people already inside. Lea could see broad stairways and huge doors as they were passing the crossing and then a voluptuous double sculpture to get to the entrance at the end of the circus-like window-front.

"Wow", Lea breathed again and Darren turned his head, smiling brightly at her, nodding a slight "_Told you so_"

"The building is called '_Louise M. Davies Symphony Hall_' and was built in 1980, the sculpture we just passed is by Henry Moore", Bill said with his warm baritone and sounded a bit like a College professor, turning around to the women as well.

"It's amazing", Lea said, letting Cerina direct her up the stairs to the big entrance doors, "It reminds me of the New York one at Lincoln center, it's for the Philharmonic Orchestra, it has all these levels too but it's all square"

It was warm inside, warm enough for Lea to take off her jacket, revealing her low-cut dress, earning a couple of looks by elderly men standing by but she kept her eyes low, hoping the demographic was generally a bit too old to be knowing them from _glee_. It seemed relatively safe, though, nobody they passed gazed twice at them; well, her face at least, her décolleté did catch a few more wandering eyes.

Cerina had given her a little space to take off her jacket, albeit taking her own off but was quickly on her arm again, navigating them through the sea of people, no the lead of their little group as Darren and Bill had fallen behind to order drinks for the intermission. Darren's mother seemed very accustomed with the venue ans steered them swiftly through the winding levels, up a couple flights of stairs, smiling that content smile that looked so much like Darren's.

"Did you go to see The Philharmonic Orchestra back in New York sometimes?", Cerina asked with genuine curiosity, showing their pre-printed online tickets to the middle-aged lady guarding their four-person booth at the right side at the end of the concert room and Lea kept staring at her Louboutins, half worried the ticket-lady would recognize her, half sheepish because she didn't really have a satisfying answer for Cerina's question.

"Not half as much as I'd wanted to, or should have", she admitted, following her into the secluded booth overseeing the seats below and the stage, once again taken aback at the beautiful interior, "I went maybe five times in my life but I was so busy with Broadway, during school I spent most of the time on the Subway getting from workshops to Jersey and back and then when Spring Awakening got this big deal I hardly had time for anything else"

"Of course", Cerina said and nodded, gesturing apologetically, "I promise Darren told me all about your career but that must've slipped my mind, of course you were busy..He spoke so fondly of you, even before he was on the show, he always said; '_If they had taken me when I went out for it, I would be working with Lea now, she's amazing_'"

"He really said that?", Lea asked, carefully peeking over the railing but then back to the other woman who nodded.

"You were his favorite", she said, "Chuck always asked him why he didn't like that blonde girl better -"

"- oh Dianna", Lea interjected, "She's so gorgeous"

"We all thought so too", Cerina said because what else should she say, Dianna _was_ gorgeous, it was a fact, like winter follows autumn and autumn follows summer etc., "but Darren said you were more fascinating, more interesting and he didn't take anything from Chuck, but don't tell him I told you that, he made me promise"

"Oh no", Lea chuckled, her cheeks feeling red hot, feet tingling with pride, feeling so flattered and happy, "are there any other things I can't tell him you told me?"

"When he was six years old he ran out into the street pretending he was Genie from Aladdin and he tried to scoot down the street on one of our best Persian carpets", Cerina answered willingly but not without a peak to see if her husband and son were coming to join them yet, "He ended up sitting in the middle of the street and started crying because the carpet just wouldn't move, let alone fly"

Lea clasped her hands in front of her mouth, pushing down to keep her loud obnoxious laugh at bay, snorting into her palm, fully able to imagine Darren doing that, just that he was his full grown self in her imagination which made the whole thing even funnier.

"What is it?", a familiar smooth voice said behind them and Darren brushed his hand lightly over the small of her back, "I want to laugh too"

"N'th'ng", Lea uttered from behind her fist, taking a deep breathing trying to make her imaginary big Darren fly off on his carpet, out of her head.

Cerina didn't tell him anything either and after prying for some time he eventually gave up and joined Lea on the two seats in the front.

"Oh, this is my favorite part", Lea said when the instrumentalist got on the stage under polite applause and quickly tuned his violin with the pianist's help, "When they tune the instruments, it's best when it's an entire Orchestra, back during SA I always tried to be near the stage to hear them all tune, it gives you such a rush of excitement and it's almost better than the entire concert"

Darren smiled at her and it was the last thing she saw in bright light before everything was dimmed down but the stage and the violinist started playing.

For about one hour he lifted and crushed Lea's mood, took her on journeys in her head, oftentimes closing her eyes at the melodic and then at times slightly atonal runs and passages to sink into the vivid pictures in her head. She saw forests, Russia in winter, her and Darren, a mother and a child. Halfway into it, Darren took her hand.

She only noticed that it was intermission when Darren let go of her as the lights came back on, almost offending her in her trance state, still completely drawn into the stories the music had planted into her mind.

"You really loved this, don't you?", he said as they staggered out of the booth to get their drinks and she tried to stay close to him, while at the same time holding her hands tightly around her purse so she wouldn't touch him. She wanted to and she was emotional, so really, she _needed_ to but she couldn't and so eventually she just clang to her glass of champagne, let Bill tell her about the Organ in the hall and the violinist and was happy when the second half began and the lights were low enough for him to take her hand again.

Towards the end the musician amped up the pace again, only to finish with a slow, melodious piece that seemed like the Soundtrack to a very peaceful dream and lea felt positively drained and tired when they let themselves be swarmed out of the hall with all the other people.

The drive back home passed her by in a haze, the only thing she remembered was Darren whispering how he was sure no one had seen them and it cramped her style a little bit how that seemed to please him greatly.

Yes, she was definitely not over the secret-relationship thing yet and she wanted to talk to him about it, she thought as she took the first turn in the bathroom. Cleaning her face off from the evening-out-make up, brush her teeth and get into Darren's old boxer shorts. She had her own for sleeping but she preferred hers just for sentimental reasons. Brushing her teeth she remembered in a flash how both Cerina and Bill had hugged her goodnight and she'd noticed immediately how Darren got to be the beast of a hugger that he was. The latter went to the bathroom after her and let her wait for a while to get cozy in the bed. She could hear him rummage around in the room while she tried to properly feel her feet. It had been a long day.

Finally, Darren slowly walked out of the bath and towards the bed, slipping under the comforter, eyes locked on her and when he lay down, he cradled her cheek like he always did, a lovely little gesture of showing her that it was their time now, her time to speak and somehow digest their eventful day, say things she still needed to say.

"So", she began, knowing it was her cue, "Today and tonight were magical"

"You think?", he asked quietly, their voiced fallen to whispers, "China Town and the concert? Even if we didn't find the hidden restaurant?"

"Yes", Lea reaffirmed, "It was a very good day, almost perfect"

"Almost?", Darren lazily raised an eyebrow, pausing with the little circles he drew next to her ear.

"It would have been perfect if I could've kissed you on the street and we hadn't been hiding", she said matter of factly, she kinda felt silly bringing it up again but she knew if she didn't she would harvest it until she would blurt it out eventually and maybe hurt him or herself in the process.

Back in LA she didn't really notice it so much. Sure, on set they had to be discreet because except for Dianna nobody knew. But they were together always none the less and since Lea cuddled with everybody nobody cared when she cuddled with him but here, where she really felt like his girlfriend, like they were a real item rather than a crazy experiment against better judgment, she wanted to live that and she was sad that they couldn't.

Darren sighed barely audible.

"Do you not want to talk about it?", she asked, scooping a little closer to him.

"No, yes, um", he said, "I mean, I know we have to talk about it, so yes, I want to talk about it, I just don't know what else to say"

"Like, what do you want us to do once we get back", Lea said, hoping that maybe he had changed his mind just a little bit, that maybe by the end of the year they could start telling people.

"We'll just do what we did before", he muttered, "People still think you're single and no one really knows about me.."

"They think you're with Mia", she stated, trying to keep any bitterness out of her voice, but still sounded slightly spiteful when she went on, "so we'll keep them believing so and I'll just talk about Cory some more, they will jump on that"

She waited for his face to twitch, knowing fully well that a very unreasonable part of him was always jealous of Cory, even when she told him a million times that she shouldn't be. It was kind of mean to pry on that but she wanted him to see why she found it so hard. She wanted him to be jealous too.

His face remained hard, though, except for his lips which became a thin line, on their own accord. She wondered if he knew what she was trying there.

"I mean, the media puts me either with him or Dianna anyway, so I can work with that", she mused on, not letting him out of sight, "It would make a nice decoy, don't you think? If people believed I was with Cory"

Darren didn't let his features betray him, he just stroked her neck and nodded slowly.

"It's a good idea", he said and she was a little disappointed, but only until he added the next part with an unconcealed grunt, "People would believe it, the way you're all over him all the time"

She licked her lips, weirdly triumphant at the sudden pointed distaste in his voice, it was childish but she was glad that she got at least a little reaction out of him.

"Well, I need to stay all over him", she said, her poker face in full effect, "Or else the decoy won't work"

"But you tell him that it's just a decoy", Darren insisted, now way more engaged in the conversation, "You tell him that you have a boyfriend that you want to keep a secret and he needs to do you a favor and not flat out deny that you two are together when people ask. But he can't say you are either"

"And Mia?", Lea asked, and now it was her shot to be jealous, knowing that the two of them were still friends after having broken up in the summer, "Everybody thinks she's your girlfriend, will she be okay just being your decoy? Because if you asked me to be you pretend-girlfriend, I'd punch you in the face"

"She won't mind", he said, with a light smile like Lea was over-reacting even thinking the punk singer would have any problem with it, "we were never that exclusive when we were really dating and for her it's good publicity, it's win-win"

"If you say so", Lea muttered, "but I swear to god, if she gets too close to you, I will forget my good upbringing, I'm still Lea from the block and you are _mine_"

He chuckled, his breath hitting her face, making her baby hair flutter around her temple.

"And you're mine", he said then the smile leaving his eyes and staying grimly on his lips, with a low groan swinging along in his voice, "and I want Cory to know that, you can tell him it's me, I want him to know that I'm around"

"You know that you have no reason to be jealous of Cory at all? He's like my big brother", she said, turning her head to kiss the side of his hand on her cheek.

"Maybe it's unreasonable, but it doesn't change anything, I try not to act on it but this jealousy is a part of me", Darren shrugged, "I will always get jealous, no matter what or how many times you tell me there's no reason to, I won't listen...plus I've read those interviews about how you would've gotten with him out of any of the glee guys"

Lea laughed, trying to quiet herself by turning her lips more into his hand, trying to muffle the sound.

"Do you know that ABBA song, where they sing about that normal, pointless day that's like all the other days, just that it's the very last day of her old life before she meets _him_ on the next?", Lea said short-breathed, "That's what my life was before you came and when I said that about Cory I hadn't known you yet. You changed a lot of things for me"

"You changed a lot of things for me too", he whispered back and kissed her, gently at first but soon harder and more intense, effectively postponing their conversation to a later date again.

And this time they didn't have to stop kissing either, because it wasn't daylight and they weren't on a kiddie playground, this time he could run his hands over her, push down her shorts, touch her where he pleased and elicit little gasps and moans and then silence her with kisses while she buckled into him.

No one compared to him, she knew this with the certainty of life and death, no one had or ever would touch her like this, make her feel whole and beautiful like he did. When she was in his arms she felt safe and invincible and proud, so proud that she was his and he was hers.

And when she grabbed his hair, fistfuls of his hair with need as he thrust into her, she felt her cheeks flush red and hot and only when he kissed down her face and slowed the pace to gaze at her, she noticed that she'd started crying.

"Are you okay?", he asked and ceased moving but still staying deep inside of her.

"Just happy", she promised and ran a finger along the side of his face, "Don't stop"

He smiled then and did as he was told, praising her, celebrating her, worshiping her without words, lifting her higher than any vacation, any food or even music ever could.

Nothing could ever compare.

**oOo**

**Reviews make baby Ellie happy.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: **Thank you for all the reviews! This is a plot-smut-plot sandwich, it has plot and then smut and then more plot. Just so you know. :) (A million thanks to Ashley for helping me with the smut-part, she's the best!)

**Chapter Five  
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Dim light flooded the room through the shutters but Lea kept her eyes closed, not wanting to properly wake up for a little while.

As she became somewhat aware of her surroundings, she found that she was half draped over Darren's warm body, one leg lined up to his side, the other sort of wrapped around him, her shoulder nuzzled into his armpit, her head on his shoulder, one arm clasped between them, one lying over his chest.

But the most wonderful thing was the smell. It was theirs somehow, not just his. His scent alone was exquisite as always, a faint note of musky sweat, the ever present detergent and a whiff of cinnamon that made her lips curve up into a smile. But there was also a note of her mixed in it, her vanilla body lotion and the scent of her peach shampoo lingering on her hair. All blended in with the rest of the air of their love. She thought how cheesy that was, but it was none the less true, it still smelled earthy, pure, a certain coloring to the scent that made her remember gasps and moans and movement, fingernails and kisses. It made her thighs tingle and her lower body warm up. It was perfect, just them in a bed on a beautiful morning, wrapped in a cocoon of their very own scent.

Darren hummed beside her but didn't move, probably not wanting to disturb the position their bodies had clicked into over the night. She agreed with that sentiment.

"Morning", Darren mumbled, lazily putting his hand on her wrist over his chest.

"Mhm mhm", Lea shook her head a tiny bit, "Not morning yet, still night"

"I thought you were the early bird", Darren whispered and she could hear the grin on his face.

"Not if I can help it", she informed him, her words coming out slurred and sloppy.

"I can't believe this weekend is already over", he mused, chest humming and vibrating with his voice, "feels like we barely just got here"

"I know", Lea muttered, "And by the end of today we'll be back to La-La-Land"

_And secrets, _she added in her head but she refused to let her slight aversion to their agreement spoil her good mood. Darren was right after all, there were hardly any good things coming from them making it official, so she vowed to finally accept it and stop thinking about it.

She had him, after all. They were together and that was all that really mattered.

When they _did_ get up, Cerina and Bill were already at the breakfast table and Lea hardly noticed the time flying by until it was time to get back on the road again.

She hugged his parents tightly, finally loosening up around them a little more, she felt like they weren't so disappointed in the girl their son chose to be with and that made her smile as she climbed into the car.

"Drive safely", Cerina said through the open window to Darren, his parents seeing them off in the driveway and then the older woman turned her attention to Lea, "It was lovely meeting you and take care of him, make sure he sleeps enough"

"I will", Lea promised, her heart warming rapidly and then she had a brilliant idea, "Look, we have this big New Year's Eve party at my parent's apartment in New York, Darren told me you will spend the holidays there, so why don't you celebrate with us? It's always so fun and my parents would love to meet you guys"

Cerina's eyes lit up and she turned over to Bill, looking for his reaction, he smiled as well, slowly nodding.

"That's a wonderful idea", Cerina said, turning back to them, "It's gonna be great, thank you, Lea"

Darren sighed as they drove out of the little street, having a six hour drive in front of them, leaving behind his family and that precious idea of normality he shared with Lea for just two and a half days. They switched on the road, listening to their iPods and the radio, singing along or talking but the closer they got to LA the dimmer Lea's mood dimmed.

When he pulled over at her house he made sure that no one else was out on the street and didn't give her a kiss. His face was soft and warm as he said goodbye but her heart stung unpleasantly none the less as she rolled her suitcase over her doorstep, feeling oddly trapped alone in her house.

She turned on some album she had lying around, the latest Kelly Clarkson one because she really liked it and it usually made her feel fun and spunky but it didn't do the job just right. Instead of being light and smiley, she was hollow and her face scrunched together on it's own, her forehead in lines and her mouth thin. The weekend had been wonderful, spending time with Darren had been wonderful and now it was over and she couldn't get it back any time soon.

Tomorrow they would be back to pretending they were just friends, keeping a safe distance from each other and the way she knew Darren, he wouldn't even let her do things she normally did with the other guys with him. Just for the sake of it, just so they made absolutely sure that no one would ever guess that they could be in love.

So there would be no arm-linking, like she did with Cory (except with Cory – and much more of that because even though she knew it was childish, she was going to own up to the decoy-plan Darren had thought of as a "good idea"), she wouldn't sit on his lap like she did with Kevin, wouldn't walk arm in arm like she did with Harry, wouldn't snuggle to his side like she did with Mark, wouldn't cuddle him like she did with literally everybody.

Over the next couple of weeks her glum predictions proved to have been sound and there were countless times that she wished Darren wouldn't give her that look when she approached him, making her take a step back, lower her hands, force her features to be a little less captivated by him, forcing her eyes to her feet.

"I love you so much", he told her one time that he actually stayed the night but he left before the sun was even up but she wouldn't say anything, keeping it bottled up because it was what he wanted. What she should be wanting. What she wanted, because she had to, because it was the reasonable thing to do.

Normally on set it was fine, they still spent a lot of time together – but with the others, they were enough of a distraction that she didn't notice how unhappy she really was with their agreement. On these days she was ecstatically happy, especially when she got to be with Darren in the night and he worked hard on making her forget everything and anything at all.

A day like that was the second they spent at a local pool they had on lock-down. It was November and their secret relationship had been going on for two months. Chord Overstreet was back with the gang and had his first big arch back on the show – as a synchronized swimmer, with Lea and Naya delivering the soundtrack, doing Rihanna's "We Found Love" with the New Direction supporting them. This meant two to three days with all of them huddled in a not nearly adequately heated public swimming pool, in admittedly cute but not very warm bathing suits, trying to disguise the fact that most of them sucked at synchronized swimming.

Zach Woodlee, their choreographer was animatedly walking around the edges of the pool shouting directions and last minute changes to the professional dancers already in the water. Lea pursed her lips, glancing over the pool, wrapping her white bathrobe tighter around her body, Darren stood a little down the room, talking to Chord and Cory.

Lea had told Cory in private about her and Darren and he hadn't even raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"What, are we obvious?", she asked alarmed as they drove in her car from a dinner, she'd let him drive because she was tired and they all thought she was a horrible driver anyway, "Darren's not gonna like the sound of that"

"No, not at all", Cory assured her, "You're very subtle, like..I thought he was with that other girl? But yeah, no, I'm just not surprised at all. You guys click, I mean, he's like the male version of you anyway"

"And I'm so self-centered that I had to be with him?", Lea asked playfully, fully aware that Cory had not intended to imply that but it was fun to tease him anyway.

"No", he shot back in defense, "That's not what I meant, I just meant that you like, fit and stuff"

"I know", she said, turning her head back to the road, "Thank you...So it's not weird or anything? That you know, I can play the rumors up about us? Just a little bit"

"Yeah sure", he said but Lea still couldn't help thinking that it indeed _was_ a little awkward, "I think Ryan would love it, too"

Lea grunted heartily. She loved Ryan but he made no secret out of wanting them to tease the press a bit about being together as a little PR-stunt to gain more viewers and so far they had been adamantly against it but now Lea had her very own agenda and she also wouldn't tease it, she promised herself that much, she would just..mention him a little more, talk about Cory when she wanted to talk about Darren, letting people see them together, tweeting him more and Cory really didn't need to do much – just dodge the question if they were an item obviously enough to keep the bloggers entertained, the tabloids guessing. If everyone was looking to find proof of a relationship between her and Cory they would leave her and Darren alone because no one would even think of Darren as a candidate. Because Darren was so mum on everything personal and even Cory thought he still was with Mia.

"But you know if they ask you if we're dating", Lea started, trying to say what Darren wanted her to say without making him sound like a douche to Cory, "You can't..like, flat out say yes because..well, you know, it's just, um, supposed to be a distraction and Darren wants to make sure of that..and I do too"

"Sure", Cory said and she could feel him side-eying her, "And you don't mind how he lets everyone believe he's with someone else?"

Lea bit her lip because her friend had just hit a nerve, the good old jealousy but she had been over that question enough times in her own head to be able to present the one answer that she liked to give herself.

"He's not confirming it though", she said quietly, with a nudge of spite, "He just implies it"

"And you're okay with that?", Cory asked again, meaning to look out for her and be a good friend but she didn't want to talk about it. Oddly enough the fact that she couldn't talk to Darren about it didn't make her want to unload her bucket-fulls of feelings onto anyone who would listen, it made her want to hide the fact that she had a problem in the first place.

Normally she would have verbally thrown up on Cory but she couldn't bare to criticize Darren, not when she really agreed with him, and not in front of Cory, knowing that even though he liked him, it was a kind of touchy subject to Darren...her friendship with him and how close they were.

"I'm okay with that", she ended up saying, keeping her pokerface tight before smiling firmly at him and turning up the radio, ending their conversation.

Now Cory towered over Darren and shot her an approving smile, fumbling on his own head to gesture her he liked her 50's pin-up hairdo. All the girls had the same do, a tight knot at the back, her and Naya had the hair a little poofy in the front but they all sported huge white synthetic flowers, which looked nice with their bathing suits. They had candy-striped red tops and navy blue dress bottoms, playfully mirroring the boys long swim shorts, also navy and actual vintage-like red swim-shirts with white piping. Lea chuckled and nodded back in appreciation of his compliment, raising her index finger, wanting him to wait for the best thing and she opened her robe, revealing her short suit-number, earning another nod from him and finally Chord and Darren caught wind of their little exchange and turned their attention to Lea.

It was hard to acknowledge Chord at all with the look Darren gave her as his mouth dropped a little open and his eyes wandered down and up again over her.

He caught himself with effort as she walked over to them, nudging him slightly in the shoulder to at least collect his jaw. She was flattered but he was breaking his own 'No leering'-rules.

Though he broke them all the time, even worse, he repeatedly broke them on camera, something she could see each week a new episode aired and she saw the way he looked at her – his private looks just for her, on Blaine's face, tearing down the fourth wall and she wondered how many people still believed Blaine was gay during numbers with her.

"How do I look?", she asked Chord, giving Darren a little more time to regain his speech.

"Very pretty", the tall blonde replied and pulled her in for a hug. She snuggled into it and smiled, keeping to his side, imagining it was Darren's chest she was pressed against.

He smiled at her, reading the sentiment in her eyes. Back when they were on tour and he was still kind of courting her, if only for attention or friendship or more, she didn't know – but back then he'd touched her all the time, for the stupidest reasons, brushed her arms, almost pulled her away from people, tackle hugged her and now..a pat on the shoulder was all that she could hope for when there were people around.

"So boys", she said, not wanting to think about it anymore, "ready for a splashy day in the water?"

They all huffed at her weird choice of words and laughed, _as if_. No one was exceptionally pumped for it but it would still be fun, she knew that, that's why she could smile at them and wave them off and tell them not to be such babies.

They manned up then, all three of them aiming to prove they were indeed manly men who would power through the hard choreography and long day. Chris Colfer, who joined them minutes later had no such intentions. The delicately featured, tiny-waisted, pasty boy was not happy with his outfit and even unhappier with the location.

He coped with grim dark humor and soon had them all in stitches with snide remarks about how they would all sink and drown and how it would be _glee: floaters_.

"It's gonna be fun, Chris", Lea insisted, still wrapped in her robe but standing between Chord and Darren now, slightly shivering, "Cold but fun, betcha?"

"If you say so", he scoffed with a mocked eye-roll.

"Yes, I say so", and with that, she ushered the others around to their positions, noticing the commotion on set, the kind that happened when all the lights were set and the cameras were ready and it was time to shoot. The day before they'd done all the close ups on Lea and Naya and today was heavy on choreography and group performance, they would dance their way through the pool up to a platform floating in the middle and perform there before getting back into the water for fun and games.

Darren moved to his mark, truly the professional he was and she was in work-mode too now, not letting her thoughts distract her, set only on performing and getting everything right. The less mistakes everybody made, the faster they'd be out of the water and in warm clothes again.

The last adjustments were made and they were counted in, cameras rolling, playback rolling and it was showtime, like every day.

The hardest task was not to get their hair wet, all the girls were terribly preoccupied because their hairdo's were meticulous and had to last for the better part of the day and the guys had a jolly good time giving them a scare, threatening to get their hair wet. This only stopped when Ryan stepped on set and put on his intimidating face.

After three hours in the water they got their first longer break, the sun had risen enough for the lights to have to be completely readjusted and they would move on to the platform part, giving them a one hour lunch break – to be spent in costume on the perimeter (in case they could start earlier).

Lea snatched up Dianna and they went to dry themselves and then over to catering, although she wasn't very hungry.

They sat down at a line of tables and Lea picked around in her salad, eating a tiny mozzarella ball here and there.

"Are you alright?", Dianna asked over her sandwich.

"Yeah", Lea said, "I just don't have an appetite right now, I can't think straight"

"How come?", the blonde asked, scanning the room to try and find where Lea was so eerily staring, nodding when she saw Darren scanning the buffet table, "Oh, get it"

"We haven't had sex in a week", Lea said quietly after making sure no one but Dianna could hear her, "he wanted to come over yesterday and I set everything up and I wore the underwear we bought, the blue one and then he texts me, Di, he _texts_ me that he can't make it because he has to run lines with Joey. Like, I get it, he's your buddy but I shaved and everything and I was all worked up and got nothing"

Dianna scoffed and chuckled lightly, "Well, you could always do it now"

"What?", Lea asked loudly and a couple of heads turned to them, prompting her to whisper, "We couldn't, Darren would never..also where would that happen? In the pool? Or like, right on Ryan's lap, so he can't possibly miss it?"

"At the end of the hall where the restrooms are, there's a room where they keep the floaties and stuff for the kids", Dianna shrugged.

"How do you know that?", Lea asked incredulously.

"I was looking for the toilet", Dianna said but Lea was hardly paying attention anymore, her mind already wandering over to getting Darren out of his damned swim trunks. But still, he would never have sex with her on set, he'd piss himself just with the idea.

"Darren would never do it", she voiced her doubts.

"I have an idea", Dianna said and abruptly got up, grabbing Lea's hand from the table and dragging her out of the room, through the swimming hall, where people were too busy to even notice them and on to the little deserted corridor, ushering her to a little door at the far end and turned the key that was in it, letting Lea in with a mischievous grin.

"Just wait here", she smirked and put the key in Lea's hand and Lea in the closet.

It smelled like chlorine and it was dark, the small space lined with metal racks of floaties and pool toys and Lea just stood there, unmoving for about three minutes, getting nervous.

She felt like a sinner in church and so excited at the same time, there was still a huge chance that Darren would blow her off or even get angry but she was determined to do this now, the thought alone making everything below the belt tingle and heat up. Her breathing exhilarated as she waited.

She felt oddly reminded of auditioning, especially the auditions where they seclude you from the group to prepare yourself for a bit before going into the room, her tummy wrapped itself in little nervous knots and she felt like throwing up and three minutes can really feel like one hell of a long time. She took of her robe and put it on the floor, trying to pull at her bathingsuit so that her boobies would pop a little bit. They would never pop more than a little bit anyway because they weren't very impressive..she tried to calm her breathing, pushing her palms against her ribcage, following the broad movements, this was way too exciting.

When the door knob turned, her heart stopped beating for a second.

Darren walked in cluelessly and the change in his features when he saw her standing there, hands knitted together at her chest, glancing up at him, was delicious.

It went from surprise, to wondering, to understanding and then he jumped and closed the door behind them, gasping at her with huge eyes.

"What's going on, Dianna said I should...", he let the rest of the sentence fade out because he knew exactly what was going on, especially when Lea stepped past him and locked the door without a word.

"Lea-", he breathed shaking his head slightly but she just got on her tiptoes right in front of him and put a finger on his lips.

"We can't make noise", she whispered.

"We can't _do this at all_", he protested muffled by her finger but he let her nudge him against the door anyway.

Lea, keeping her finger on his lips, started to kiss his neck, placing gentle little butterfly kisses up and down from his earlobe to his Adam's apple and then did the same to the other side.

He didn't make a sound, he didn't even move and she knew it would take a little more work to get him to loosen up.

Lips remaining at his neck, she arched her body into him, letting her free hand trail down the swim-shirt, down to the trunks and pressed her palm against his growing length. Because although he undoubtedly thought this was a stupid idea, she knew him well enough to be sure that he was turned on none the less. He winced slightly at her touch and she knew if he was going to stop her, he was gonna stop her now, take her by the wrists and keep her hands away from him but he didn't, so she went on.

He turned his head to give her more access to his neck but his hands were still clasped at his side, still easing into the fact that she was making him have sex at work.

The first real sound he made was a whimper in protest when she removed her hand but he seemed appeased when she replaced it with her hips buckling into him, rhythmically moving up and down against him and then finally, his hands flew up, one firmly on her ass, pulling her further in and one alongside her neck and jaw onto her tied back hair, nudging her head up with his pinky, making her kiss him, the sensation of his lips on her own after so long enough to make her weak in the knees, tumbling into him even more.

He bit her bottom lip with need and she gasped at the sudden pain, opening her mouth and he wasted no time, his tongue darted to hers, challenging her, almost making her choke, demanding more space, a quicker pace, a deeper connection. She didn't bother fighting him for dominance, so wrapped up in the feel of his hands on her ass, of this kiss that the rest of the cast could have been screaming for help, caught in a fire or something, and she wouldn't have pulled away.

He whispered her name when they broke apart and she looked up to see if he wanted to say something but his head was just tilted against the wood and his eyes where closed while he now used both his hands to pull her hips against his erection.

She kissed his Adam's apple again before gaining a little space between them. They were on a tight schedule and she was as ready to go as he was, maybe even more so after all the anticipation, so she made quick work of pushing his trunks down his legs before stepping away from him, pulling the swim suit panties down from underneath her dress quickly afterward.

It dropped to the floor soundlessly and Darren's focus was now on her again at the lack of touch. He leaned against the door, catching her eye, shaking his head with a sly smile. There was still a hint of doubt there, somewhere sparkling through his dark lusting eyes but she also sensed that the air of danger, the fact that they could get caught heightened the sensation for him. He was in every aspect more careful, more reasonable and thoughtful than her, but he was also a man and he stood there, manhood pointing upward in anticipation, his tongue running over his lips and she could tell he was not backing out yet. She doubted that he even _could_ if he tried.

She retreated a bit further into the room and then turned around deliberately, putting her hands on one of the racks and the nervous flutter returned to her stomach, so ridiculously turned on, she thought she should be dripping.

She felt him get closer, body heat radiating from him like he was a glowing ball of light. Her breath hitched in her throat when he pushed up the polyester of the swimsuit and let one finger glide in between her legs, working his way up slowly, gently nudging her a couple of times, making sure she was ready. He drew back again for a moment, Lea fighting back a whine as she heard Darren take a deep breath.

"We can't make a sound", he whispered, one hand moving up from her hip to the small of her back to push her down a bit.

She nodded eagerly, bowing down and against him, whispering herself, "Please"

She could practically see him run his hand over his face again but then all notion of time and space flew off her conscience as he took charge, put himself in place and slid into her.

He took his time and even more deep breaths, getting accustomed to the sensation in a way that would allow him – and her – to keep it down.

She drew in a sharp breath as he filled her up, it had only been a week but she felt like she'd been missing this like a junkie needing her fix. The feel of him, moving in and out of her, his hands grasping her tightly - she would have easily given up nearly everything to never have it stop. It seemed dull and primal and she thought how their bond went so much deeper than sex, that they were emotionally linked, intelectually, they had a connection that seemed almost designed - like set up specifically for each other - but the way they were entwined now, it gave their whole meta-connection a practical feeling. They were linked, physically and she panted, trying to savor the feeling, trying to decipher each and every sensation she felt the moment she felt it.

He used the slow pace to claim her fully, pushing in further than he usually did, because usually they were at this a lot faster, harsher, now he seemed to deliberate each inch and he pulled out of her almost completely before going back in, even deeper than the time before.

It was different, and it made everything feel a million times more intense as she tried to keep herself quiet. It wasn't easy.

He growled lowly and that sound alone worked to get her that much closer to the edge. Still, she needed him faster now, harder but she didn't trust her voice, she couldn't talk, if she talked, she would scream and so she just used her position to push into him and he got the hint.

His hands were warm as his calloused fingertips pinched into the sides of her ass, holding her in place as he steadily picked up the pace.

It was a tough matter of control not to scream when he went even faster, thrusting into her harder each time and the rack was shaking with her, nudging against the wall with a steady and taletelling rhythm that was sure to get them caught, if someone walked by the door just then, even if they were virtually silent in all other aspects.

She breathed harder, biting her lips with force, her face contorting as he growled again and his movements became sloppy, he was loosing it and she felt everything tense. Waves rose up inside of her, and then he brought one hand around to her front, sliding over her clit, swiftly and slick.

She fell apart against him, gasping in surprise that her orgasm hit her so quickly, with just one additional touch of his and she winced, audibly but she didn't have a mind for that right now as he still pushed into her and eventually followed her, groaning quietly.

He stayed inside her for a while before pulling out, wrapping his arms around her from behind and lifting her upper body up, holding it tightly against his chest, kissing her cheek. She was a bit dissappointed that they both still wore tops and she couldn't feel much of his skin on hers but she took it in stride.

"That was such a stupid idea", he whispered and kissed her again, on the lips as she turned her head to him.

"But it was phenomenal", she smiled into the kiss, still dizzy with their adventure and he hummed in agreement.

"I love you", she murmured but already felt him pulling away.

"I think you should go out first, you've been gone for a while longer than me", he said and her happy daze was darkened a little bit. She wondered when this would stop feeling like an affair and start feeling like a relationship.

But she didn't say anything, she smiled a thin smile and scurried out of his arms to put her damp panties and the bathrobe back on.

She went to turn the key but then his hand held her back at her wrist.

"Wait a second", he said, features soft and he looked like a twelve year old again, still shorts-less but with his shaved cheeks, slicked back hair and these puppy eyes..he looked like innocence on legs and it already was a hard concept to wrap her head around that he had just fucked her from behind in a floaties closet.

She looked up at him, waiting.

"I love you too", he said and pulled her into a tight, warm, wholesome hug, "I'm sorry I couldn't make it yesterday and I'm sorry I texted instead of called but if I had called I wouldn't have been able to stay away and Joey really needed me, I'm sorry"

"It's fine", she breathed into his neck, affection and love welling up for her after all considerate and devoted boyfriend, "We have all the time in the world"

He let her go but she could feel his reluctance and it filled her with joy, moments like these, she was reminded that he really loved her too, just as much as she loved him, that it wasn't just some one sided fling, not just a guy she was blindly obsessing over like she had at times in the past.

He loved her too and she was grinning when she left the closet.

"Lea", Meredith, one of the Hairdressers called out from the end of the corridor, "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, um", she twirled around in shock, keeping her hand on the handle of the door, promising to guard it with her life, "I..um..I thought it was the toilet but it isn't so.."

"Yeah, toilet's over here", Meredith smiled and pointed at the door beside her and Lea smiled sheepishly, walking towards her, anything to keep her away from the closet.

The blonde woman watched her approach and the closer she got, the more she furrowed her brow.

"Your flower's almost all the way out of your hair, what did you do with it?", she scolded lightly, "Come see me when you get back, I need to fix that"

"Sure", Lea nodded, "Sorry, Meredith"

She excused herself to go to the toilet, using the opportunity to clean herself up a little bit and tell her legs to stop being jelly. Hoping Darren wouldn't be petrified of exposure and staying in the closet for another ten minutes she glanced back to the door when she went back.

With her flower fixed a while later she walked back to the sitting room and there he was, cheeks still a bit flushed, just like hers but apart from them looking like nothing had ever happened. Just a second she lingered on the moment to marvel at him once again, as he talked to Mark and Harry, one hand flying up to rub his neck. He did that when he tried to be subtle about something, she hoped she was the only one who had noticed this habit.

She caught his eye and bit her lip before she joined Jenna, Kevin, Naya and Dianna on the couch at the other side of the room.

"Thank you", she whispered to Dianna as she sat down beside her earning a big grin.

"Any time", the blonde said and nudged her forehead against her shoulder, "Darren looks all smug"

"He does", Jenna said with the realization, having heard them.

"You think?", Lea asked, trying to keep her features even.

"He's so pretty", Kevin said mockingly, mimicking Jenna's voice.

"He _is_ though", Naya threw in decidedly.

"He is, isn't he?", Dianna agreed and smiled and then everybody seemed to wait for Lea to jump on board.

"Yeah", she said slowly, "He's alright"

"Oh come on, Lea", Jenna huffed, "He's more than alright and you know it"

"Of course he is but we've been over that by his second episode, he was pretty then, he's still pretty now"

"Yeah, but now you're single", Naya said with a raised eyebrow, Kevin nodding urgently and Dianna shuffled in her seat.

"And he still has a girlfriend", Lea said beside herself, "so that's that"

"I thought they broke up over the tour?", Kevin asked, "I think he told me that anyway"

"I don't know", Lea said and shrugged, "I don't know..but..it's..yeah..no."

"Well if I was you I would be all over him", Naya said.

"But why aren't _you_ all over him?", Dianna asked with a grin.

"He's cute but he's so short and you know..he's a Lea-person", Naya mused and nudged Lea at her rolling eyes, "Honestly, the first time we all met him, we were all like, look, it's a Lea-guy, totally a Lea-guy"

"What does that even mean?", Lea huffed.

"He's your type and you're his and after ten pm you're the same person, seriously", Naya huffed back, slightly defensive, "If you put him in a line up with everybody here, everyone would pick him for you, it's true, don't look at me like that..it's not like it's an insult, he's a great guy"

"Also he kinda looks like you", Kevin added and everyone agreed with him as if they'd just noticed it.

"Maybe you're related", Jenna said, "Then you really shouldn't be dating"

"We're not related", Lea said quickly, the thought alone making her uncomfortable but she laughed because they were all joking and they all didn't know that ten minutes ago, she did something with him you really shouldn't do with people you shared the same DNA with.

Except Dianna, who laughed hardest of all of them.

"Okay, guys", an AD stuck his head into the room before Lea could say anything more, "Showtime"

Back on set, they swam over to the platform where everything was set up and took their positions, Lea next to Dianna and Naya and Darren behind her. In a busy moment he ran his hand over her back, making her turn around to him with a grin.

"They all say we look like siblings", she informed him and Naya turned around to them nodding, making Darren remove his hand very quickly.

"It's freaky", she said, "Kevin said, you look more alike each week, like you're morphing into one person"

Darren laughed and Lea remembered an article she'd read a while ago, of how couples started looking and dressing and talking like their each other the longer they were together and she imagined them smushed together into one weird being because if people noticed they grew more similar after two months, they would probably literally, physically morph together after what – a year or something? Sje smiled at the mental image but then the cameras were rolling again and she became Rachel Berry, leaving Lea's musings behind for a while.

The next time they got out of the water Lea was actually not freezing, they'd turned up the heaters and Darren, Dianna and her sat around the edge of the pool with the others all scattered around on a short break.

"Thanks by the way", Darren said with a wink to Dianna, "For being her partner in crime"

"Sure", Dianna laughed, looking up from her phone and then she lifted it and snapped a picture of Darren and Lea with their feet dangling over the edge of the pool.

"Aww", she mused, "Looking good"

She showed them the picture and Lea nodded in agreement, "Looks like from an old movie"

"Come on, get up, let's take a real picture of you", Dianna said, getting up, pulling Lea with her.

"I don't know", Lea said, "Maybe that's a bit much"

"Get real guys, there's nothing wrong with taking a picture", Dianna argued and gave Lea her phone when her friend shot her a look that said how she very much agreed with her but Darren wasn't having any of it.

Lea stood with Dianna's iPhone, watching her friend pull up her boyfriend and putting his arms around her, "Now smile for the camera"

Darren pursed his lips but then looked at the camera, looked at Lea and smiled his innocent smile and the picture came out like a movie poster for some 50's love epic.

Dianna grabbed the phone and showed it to Darren, "Look, it's pretty and no one thinks we're sleeping together more than they do anyway, since we all sleep together here on _glee_, right?"

She aimed to prove that by uploading the picture to the delight of all the fans on twitter. And of course they all tweeted how Dianna and Darren _should_ be sleeping together. Something that gave Lea a little jealous pang but given the happenings of the day, it was easy to ignore.

Still, the picture they took with Lea's phone, the one with Darren holding Lea remained secret on her device, unshared. She didn't need to post it and she liked the thought of having it all to herself. She wanted to take some proper pictures of them too, or maybe just one in the morning when they were just waking up..something to keep close when he wasn't there, something where they looked like a couple and not just friends. A reminder.

At the end of the day she was cold and tired but she'd remained right, she'd had fun none the less and instead of staring at the picture on her phone, Darren had come over later and she fell asleep in his arms, feeling like being in a relationship again, not living an affair. And that was all that mattered to her that night.

**Next stop: **Christmas-time in New York.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: **Thanks a million for my wonderful Beta's: Rebecca, Lóide, Rachel and Owen, who gave me their time, pointers and thoughts and general awesomeness to make this chapter as good as it (hopefully) is. I love you guys.

And my readers are welcome to show them some love in the reviews :))

**Chapter Six**

November practically flew past Lea and it was a good month, work was great, her first movie "New Year's Eve" came to the cinema's around the world and she was in New York for press for that and in LA for the red carpet premiere; the first red carpet of a movie she took part in outside of _glee_. And the only person prouder of her than herself was Darren.

Darren who had made sure almost all her male glee colleagues went to the premiere with him too. He told them it was to support her but she knew he also used them as a distraction, to pull the focus away from him, of how people would see it if it had only been him coming out for her.

She'd thought it was completely ridiculous, especially since she'd asked Jon to be her date. Her best friend had known about Darren from the start, even before Dianna and had just chuckled a bit when Lea whispered to him on the way to the premiere how Darren would show up with an armada of decoys.

She worked hard to hide her unease at Darren's eager efforts to hide their relationship from the world as if it was a bad thing and while it was nice to have all her guys there, it still left a bitter taste behind knowing the prime reason for their attendance was Darren's prying.

He was slick enough though, by Naya's annual Christmas party Dianna and Cory were still the only people of the cast who knew.

Now as that particular night got older and more alcohol infused she actually managed to get him to kiss her under a mistletoe – in the kitchen, far away from everybody, he'd double checked with over-the-shoulder-looks as if he were a cheap imitation of James Bond. She felt triumphant because any kind of intimacy out in the open was a tough thing to get around with him – the time back at the swimming pool being an absolute one-off as he would not tire to state.

Still he kissed her in Naya's kitchen and got lost enough in it that neither of them noticed Chris in the doorway before he stage-coughed most obnoxiously.

He was wearing bright red lipstick and a smug grin.

"I _so_ knew it", he said, getting new wine as if nothing odd had happened and then left again.

Darren was of course freaking out and Lea would've been annoyed that he mostly blamed her for their exposure, hadn't she been too ridiculously happy that Chris knew to care. Chris was one of her best friends and she hadn't been a fan of keeping such an important part of her life a secret from him.

Because being with Darren _was_ important, if not _the_ most important thing in her life the way it was, mostly making her happier than she ever remembered being, blissful even. Sometimes when she walked through LA with the biggest grin on her face she wondered if she might start soaring any minute, walking on air as she was.

They finished _glee_ for the year and most of the bunch was headed for New York City for the holidays. Lea was of course going home and Darren would be there the whole time to rehearse for his first gig on Broadway. He was already so nervous and excited for it, he could spend hours upon hours not talking about anything else, she loved it.

And she was looking forward to spending time with him.

Christmas in NYC was magical and the whole flight they shared with Cory, Chris and Matthew, she could only think about how when he had finished his benefit concerts and she had done a TV appearance for a Bravo show and Inside The Actors Studio (she could hardly warp her head around that alone yet,her , little Lea So-Farty on ITAS? She was freaking out) – they would have almost three weeks of the winter break to be together.

Her first two days back in her home town she spent with getting ready for TV, then doing these TV interviews and spending time with Cory and Chris before they were both headed home for Christmas.

After a late night out with Cory she met him again the next day for coffee and a light lunch and she tried hard not to talk about Darren too much, about how excited he was, about how his rehearsals were starting and about how much he loved the city – just to not bore her tall friend with it but he was patient sit through hours of her praising her boyfriend with no complains, even discussing with her, what celebratory gift she should get him for his Broadway debut.

They met some fans like they had the day before and Lea linked arms with him once more, faintly remembering their agreement – on how they would amp up the rumors a little bit, how they should be seen together a little more frequently and hugged him extra tight when she said goodbye to him, making him promise to give his mother all her love and to call some time over the break.

She smiled on her way home, happy about her bear-y Canadian friend who was going to such great lengths to help her out, happy about being in New York City, happy about being alive and well and in love and resolved to watch some movies on the couch and wait to maybe hear from her boyfriend if he was not too busy.

Lea almost had a heart attack when she walked into her living room, merely wanting to put her bag down when she found Darren sitting on her couch, fidgeting with the label of a beer he'd helped himself to from her fridge.

He was looking up at her with an unreadable expression but never saying hello. Upon seeing him, she jumped back, startled, her hand flying up to her heart in shock.

"Jesus Christ, Darren. You scared the shit out of me", she breathed, "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I thought I'd make use of this", he said, nodding towards her spare key on the table, she'd given it to him so that he could let himself in over the holidays.

She was happy to see him but for some reason she was cautious, there was something in the way he looked at her that made her feel uncomfortable, like something ugly was lurking around the corner, waiting to jump at her any moment.

Beneath his tight features, she could tell that he wanted to betray no emotions but she could still see that he was hurt and possibly angry. If with her or in general and why, she had no idea. But that was gonna change all too soon.

"Where have you been?", he asked her like he didn't want to hear the answer at all and she had a vague idea now where this conversation was headed and she didn't like it.

"I had coffee with Cory...he left for Canada, he says Hi", she replied dutifully, hoping Darren wouldn't take it the wrong way. Still, something told her Darren was past the point of taking anything the _right_ way at all.

"Why?", he asked incredulously.

"What do you mean, _why_?", Lea asked back, crossing her arms defensively, "Maybe because he asked?"

"Yeah, of course he did", he huffed, "And I bet he asked you to walk him to his hotel in the middle of the night..and oh, I don't know. Come up maybe?"

His voice changed, and had a darker quality to it. One she'd never heard from him; accusatory and sharp. Was this really happening? Was he really throwing her a jealous fit?

"No", she said but didn't really know to what. She couldn't puzzle together how he knew about her and Cory's nightly walk.

"What no? You mean you didn't walk away into the night with him after dinner because that's what Chris told me, thinking I knew. But I didn't because you never told me", he'd gotten louder and had sat up straighter, his neck vein starting to pound dangerously.

Lea knew now that she was on the hot seat and it made her momentarily angry. He had absolutely no right to put her on the spot like this, implying God knows what when she never even did anything and thought nothing of it.

"I didn't tell you because there was nothing to it! And like what, should I text you every time I cross the street with someone?", she was still kind of smiling, a mix of her reaction to the absurdity of his uncalled for prodding and the ghost of her general good mood her boyfriend was sworn to diminish.

Instead of answering her rhetorical one, he jumped to his feet and shot a new round of his own scoffed questions, like, "When did you get home last night? Why didn't you call? Why couldn't you fucking tell me that you were sneaking around town with Cory?"

"We weren't sneaking around anywhere", she took a step forward, her features falling apart at his adamant tone, angrier by the second at how angry _he_ was, "We took a walk after dinner while the others went for drinks and ended up talking for about an hour and I didn't call because you had a show and fuck, Darren, you didn't tell me to call you either"

There was not a shred of her chipper feelings from earlier left and a part of her just wanted to turn back time and never enter the apartment at all.

"No, I didn't", he said bitterly, "but maybe you could have still called me or texted – or tweeted but no, you already had to tweet a stupid picture from sunset which was – big surprise – from the same place Cory posted a pic yesterday? Do you think that's funny or something? To just flaunt it in my face like that? That he get's to see you and you can't wait to let the world know? Or am I not worthy your attention while he's here?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you?", she exclaimed, unable to stomach how this strange, angry, jealous man was the same guy as her attentive, funny, adorable, kindhearted, ever-patient, devoted, gentle and considerate boyfriend. This version of him was new. And she wasn't sure she'd ever wanted to meet him.

"What the fuck is wrong with _you_?", he shot back, moving around the table, stepping in front of her.

"I didn't do anything", she said, barely containing a scream of frustration, "We went to the pier for drinks with Ryan, all of us and we took a picture of the sunset and like, fuck you, because I'm just doing what you want me to do and I won't let you trample all over me for that"

"Doing what I want you to do?", he repeated mockingly, something vicious swaying along in his features that broke her heart, "How would I want you to fool around with another guy?"

The portion of her brain that was still analyzing the situation was aware that the desperate spark in Darren's eyes gave away just how much of this was rooted in his own insecurity but her own anger was slowly but steadily over-powering her senses. And he'd about broken the last straw..._fooling around with another guy_?

How dare he? He must know that she would never ever _fool_ around, she was outraged that he was able to doubt her so much, to assume she had such little integrity, to think she would be leading him on if she had feelings for someone else, to imply that she was double-timing him without blinking.

And why now? He was with her at the New Year's Eve premiere when Ashton Kutcher was pretty much all over her and he hadn't even acknowledged it, why was hanging with Cory any different? Why did he feel so threatened and why wouldn't he just believe her?

"How would I want to watch you all over a fucking 7ft giant who will never love you like I do?", he said, his raised voice oddly contradicting his words, "..Because I fucking enjoy it so much; being made to look like a runner-up jerk-off"

"Good gracious, you fucking asshole", Lea exploded and gave him a push with both her hands, this was it, he'd taken it one step too far, she was shrieking now, every bit of self-control out the window.

"A fucking decoy, Darren for fucks sake, that's what I was doing, fucking being suspicious with Cory so people will leave _you_ alone. Leave us alone, just like _you_ wanted. _You_ said it was a good idea, _you_ said people would buy it when it was Cory. _You_ sent me to him, asking him to be a part of our smart little scam but don't forget to tell him who's boss, 'go and tell him, Lea, tell him how you're my property now'. So that's what I fucking went and did all while spending time with a friend, thank you very much, I'm still allowed to have friends aren't I? Or did I miss the memo where that's suddenly not okay too? Because Cory is my friend, Darren, my _friend,_ and if you would take some time to really get to know him, instead of always side-eying him like he's gonna take away all of your toys with his freakishly tall hands you could be his friend too and wouldn't have to feel so fucking threatened all the time and maybe, I don't know, fucking start to trust me"

She'd retreated from him but was still speaking, a salve of sharp words unloading on him like he had had it coming all along. She saw him squirm a little the few times she brought herself to look him in the eyes for emphasis. She knew she was drawing it all darker than it really was, that she wasn't exactly being fair to him but being fair was the last thing on her mind right now.

Frankly, now she didn't care if he wasn't happy with what she had to say, if it went against something they'd originally agreed or hurt his pride, pointing out that he must feel somehow insufficient next to Cory for whatever weird reasoning.

But _he_ had decided to blow up like that, _he_ had decided that now was the time to be an unreasonable jealous asshole, _he_ had decided to display just how much he was not able to believe in her feelings for him and he had no hope for sympathy as she continued to voice all her piled up anger.

"And _you_ fucking want people to think we're with other people, I'm just doing what you want from me and for you to get down on me for that is just fucking pathetic. If you can't stand it to think people will put me and Cory together why don't you come forth, huh? Am I so embarrassing to you or what? Or do you trust me so little that you rather wouldn't make it official? Is that it? You think we won't last anyway so why bother? Because I could fucking do without all the secrecy, I would be happy if people knew that I'm with you, I am not ashamed of this. I want to be with you, I am proud to be with you. Even like this, fuck! I swear, just say the word and I'll put Perez on the phone and you can tell him yourself. But you won't do that, will you? No, you don't _want_ that. You're the one who won't even hug me properly anymore in public, not me. You're the one who keeps us hiding in the shadows like criminals, you're the one who acts like all that will come out of us in daylight is hate and regret, that isn't me, I didn't start this. You did. So fuck you, Darren, fuck you"

With that she turned around, drained and hollow, like a leaking balloon and she was about out of the room when Darren called after her.

"I'm taking Mia to a benefit", he spat out spitefully, a sense of desperation to his words and she was pretty sure he was sickly happy getting back at her like that.

"Fine", she said, not daring to turn around, she didn't want to see that look on his face, ever, imagining him looking at her, happy to cause her pain, was enough to make her eyes burn. She wondered if he had even heard to a single word she said – _heard_ and not just listened like it didn't matter what she was saying because he already had an opinion.

"And I don't know, maybe take her to dinner after", Darren kept going, crueler than she could bare at the moment, "and then a little stroll through the city, sneak around for a bit, post a couple of twitpics, that kind of stuff"

"Leave", she muttered, careful to keep her voice steady, desperate to regain some sort of composure while her chest seemed to be contracting, imploding into a million little specks of hurt, anger and disappointment, she had never fought with him before. She never knew what punches he could throw. They hit hard. And she hadn't expected him to get back at her.

Normally she went all over people when she was pushed too far, leaving behind burnt soil and silence. Darren was not silent, he came back to kick her in the groin.

"Get out", she whispered, still not louder than before, just wanting to be somewhere else, to stop the madness before they would both say things they couldn't take back.

"What?", he asked, like he hadn't caught what she'd said and she could feel him coming up behind her.

"I said _leave_", she repeated, louder now, the words trembling from her lips and the schemes around her started to blur through her tears, "Get the fuck out of here"

Darren said nothing but he also didn't move, which was the breaking point for her and she turned around, kept her eyes fixed on his shoulders and pushed him, screaming, crying and yelling.

"Get out", she yelled, "leave me alone", and she pushed him through the living room, out into the corridor and out of the door. She met no resistance. Darren might be a naughty fighter but he would never touch her. Somehow this didn't make it better.

Because she wanted him to react, wanted him to say something, wanted him to apologize, to tell her he was only joking and he knew about Cory and that she was right and he was just messing with her. Or to hold her by the wrists and tell her to calm down, restrain her in a tight hug until she could breathe again.

But he did no such thing and she couldn't breathe.

He let her kick him out without a word, just a hard face and thin-lined mouth as he stumbled for the elevators, not even turning around once more, to look at the mess he was walking away from.

"And you know what, fucking think if you can be bothered to come back at all or if you want to be with someone you don't have to fucking hide", she cried after him out of sheer uncontainable frustration into the hallway.

She threw the door shut with all her might before blindly running to her bed, crying into her sheets, feeling like someone had ripped her heart out and now she was left to bleed to death. What had she done? What had she said to him?

What if he really didn't come back? What if he had a great time with Mia and decided he wanted to be with her again? If he chose the easy-going Bohemian over her, the over-dramatic Diva, the clueless one, the one who wanted more from this relationship than he did maybe? The one that called him out on his bullshit? What if he wanted convenience? She was everything but convenient, everything about her, everything about their whole relationship really.

What if he thought she had broken up with him? She hadn't, no. She didn't mean to. His behavior was stupid and out of line but the thought of loosing him was unbearable. They barely just got together. Two months? Two months of unreal happiness, endless nights and bright shiny days with the best an in the world to her eyes? Two months only? Had her right to luck already expired?

It just couldn't be all she would get. It couldn't be.

In a rush she ran through the apartment to get her phone out of her bag, fumbling clumsily with her wet fingertips, failing to unlock it and then took it back to her bedroom, rethinking.

She wouldn't call him. What would she say? No way on earth she would apologize because she had done nothing wrong.

'_Hey, I love you but you're still wrong, I hate you right now but please don't leave me?_', no, that was not going to hold up.

But maybe he would call her?

Of course he didn't and Lea couldn't seem to find a way to calm herself down, she cried for hours, waiting, unable to move away from her bed, before finally the pain and exhaustion took their toll on her.

She had fallen into an uneasy sleep before the sun had set over New York that day.

**Yes, in case you were wondering, I'm totally leaving you with a cliff-hanger.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: **Thank you so much for your reviews! Also a huge shout out to Lóide once again, who is helping me tremendously with this story, gives gracious reviews and is just overall a total rockstar. Mind you though, I didn't have a grammar beta on this one, so there will be errors.

Sorry in advance.

**Chapter Seven**

Lea woke up when her bed shook slightly under her and she felt dizzy but too tired to turn towards the source of the sudden movement, she just heard two dull thuds on the hardwood floor, of light shoes carelessly being dropped and then there was more movement as the duvet was lifted and jeans clad legs rubbed against hers and an arm closed around her torso.

She was numb for a moment, before a million contradicting feelings spread inside her like a wildfire.

The first thing she felt was relief; it sent a chill down her spine after feeling hot with worry and regret, fearing he would never come back, fearing she'd ruined their relationship forever, fearing he wouldn't speak to her ever again. But now he was back and his arms were holding her tightly, his breath warm on her neck and his scent all around her.

Just to have him so close sent a jolt through her body, the familiar electric shock he elicited with every touch, his fingertips brushing the fabric of her shirt over her stomach and the way his light stubble crazed her skin. Everything seemed heightened all of the sudden because she suddenly felt complete again. Whereas before she'd cried herself empty, dulling the pain, all her emotions hit her with full force anew, like she was only half a person when he wasn't there. It settled her as much as it worried her.

She was not supposed to feel like that, not supposed to only be whole when he held her, not supposed to be her proper self just with him present.

She furrowed her brow at that notion when, a second later, she felt indescribably angry, all her fury from earlier flooding her body, flaming up her chest now, causing an uncomfortable sensation of feeling her lungs shrinking together, taking her breath away, while at the same time it felt like her skin would burst, all of those feelings pricking through her, wanting out like needles through every pore.

She wanted to move away, to scream at him how he even dared to touch her, to throw him right out and make him leave the key. To not be so dependent on him, to feel like she was in charge. She wanted to be angry enough to drown out her relief, wanted to be proud and loud and demand her freedom, her right to be treated with care and trust. She wanted to yell at him for making her feel like this but she couldn't open her mouth. It felt glued together, heavy with the lack of air, like she was sinking into the ocean with her feet in cement.

When she smelled the faint note of woman's perfume on him, jealousy was added to the potpourri of confusion and her head was immediately filled with images of him kissing Mia somewhere in an alley, promising her to come back to her, it made her stomach contract into tight knots, making her nauseous.

Once again she felt inadequate, not good enough for him and an unreasonable part of her thought to just turn around and sleep with him, touch and lick and kiss all over his body, proving that she could make him feel better than anybody else, showing him how good she could be for him.

She yearned to be just what he wanted, scolding herself for it simultaneously because that's not how she saw herself or the kind of woman she thought she was.

Still it was the truth, she wanted to be his, fully, wanted to be all he needed, wanted him to be perfect for him even if it meant giving up herself, molding herself into just the person he would want and couldn't live without.

Fear took a hold of her too eventually, afraid that he was letting her down easy now, that he was not sorry, that he was gonna break up with her and go back to his ex-girlfriend or that he'd just decided she wasn't worth all the hard work.

She wanted to scream that she _was_ worth it, that he should fight for her, that she would make it worthwhile in the end, that she promised him the world and the moon and the stars if he just didn't leave her. It was pathetic.

There were too many emotions for her exhausted, shaken body and her blood-shot eyes; she'd fallen asleep crying and could barely open them, her head felt vacant and hollow, not able to reflect and digest all her different feelings anymore while her heart seemed to thrive into every kind of impossible direction at the same instant and so she just stayed unmoving, barely breathing in his arms, too weak to move away, too weak to move closer.

Like too many birds kept in a tiny cage, her feelings went rioting all through her and it was a miracle that she wasn't already crying just with the excessive demand, everything clouded additionally with every time their skin met, when his nose nudged her skin and his every breath that washed over her. She felt so utterly lost in her love for him while at the same time reaffirmed in all that she was, pushed up against him. It was a complete paradox.

She hardly knew herself anymore this very moment, all idea of self-image and self-worth contorted by the fear of loosing him but still painfully aware of all she wanted and desired, of the million contradicting wishes and needs that cursed through her, each and everyone involving him in some way; she knew what she wanted as she'd always done. She just didn't know if it was healthy.

When he finally whispered down her neck, she could barely hear him over the blood rushing through her ears, her body trying to get her beaten brain to function again.

"I'm so sorry", he breathed, "I'm a giant asshole and I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry"

He repeated this for about a minute, she lost count at sixteen "I'm sorry"s and while he apologized, he scooped closer to her, snaking his free hand under her head, cradling it, moving her towards him in a way that she ended up flush against him.

Having him so close should have made her feel appalled or resistant, protesting the proximity; a strong independent woman would throw him out, kick him, beat him away. The woman Lea thought she was would not take it, would not accept the apology, even if uttered a million times, not before he'd proved himself again, not before every hint of anger towards him had disappeared.

Instead, she found herself getting oddly collected, he literally pulled her together, held her in place so she could think properly. She wanted to fight this but even though she could think in larger capacities now, coming back to her senses in his firm grip, she wasn't able to gather the urge to move away, to set a boundary or build a wall between them – or just around her heart to not have it so bare in his hands, completely at his mercy.

"I'm so sorry", he said again and then he was quiet for a while, giving her a chance to say something.

She let it pass, still not able or willing to scold him but also unsure which of her other feelings she wanted to express. The knot in her brain and stomach was only slowly coming apart.

"I was unreasonable and I gave you so much shit and I felt like a bitch the entire night", he whispered when he was sure that she had nothing to say yet, the fact that he said "bitch" not "jerk" or "asshole" made her smile for an instant, beside herself lighting up at this so very typical use of words for him, "And when you said I shouldn't bother coming back I was determined to prove you wrong. I wanted to show you that I _could_ stay away, that I _could_ have a good time even though we just had a fight and I thought 'Fuck Lea' but the second I stepped into the elevator, I felt like the walls were closing in on me and I still had to smile for the cameras and not annoy Mia with my death wish and I just couldn't keep it together. I'm just trying to say that I feel like shit and I've been miserable all night and I would've gotten pathetically drunk and leave you alone but then I couldn't even think of a bar I wanted to go to, I just wanted to come back to you and make it okay. So how can I make it okay? Lea? Can I make it okay?"

To underline his statement, he snuggled even closer, his face lining her neck now, his forehead nudging her earlobe and she felt him take a deep breath, ragged at the end and it sounded like he was biting away tears.

She breathed with him out of a reflex, her rhythm falling in pace with his, the most organic process, just clicking into place with him, like two key pieces of a machine, a cog wheel set into regular, steady motion.

She tried to put her thoughts in order as they breathed together and wanted to answer him before he started crying because that would decidedly be too much for her. If he started crying she would turn into human Niagara Falls.

"I...", she muttered quietly and for a while that was all that left her lips, overwhelmed with the simple task of speech, "...I thought you wouldn't come back"

So that was it, she knew it only when she said it; that the relived part of her was the strongest part, the part that was over the moon that he had returned to her, that he cared enough, that he _had bothered_ coming back. The pathetic part of her that admitted she was at a place where she was only whole with him at her side.

Yes, she was also angry and jealous but she did not have the power yet to let them win over her devotion to him. She eased into him further as she came to accept that truth.

"I couldn't stay away", he choked, holding back a sob audibly making her wonder if he was this close to crying because he was relieved too, happy that she hadn't thrown him out and let him touch her, "I thought I should give you some space but I couldn't..I'm so sorry"

Maybe he was just as needy for her, maybe just as dependent, maybe it had eaten him alive as well, the time they'd spent apart, only hours that felt like years, wondering and hurting in relationship limbo.

"I know you are", she murmured, because she believed him that he was sorry, the sentiment transcending through ever motion they made together, like it flowed through him, into her as if they were linked with more than just their bodies.

He hugged her tighter and Lea realized that he didn't expect her to apologize; he didn't think she'd been wrong and that fact sent a wave of love through her chest, throbbing enough for her to finally turn around and pull him against her, burying her face between his shoulder and chin, one hand clasped over his chest, one hand with a firm grip on his neck. His scent filled her nostrils, hitting her with a sense of home, a whiff of cinnamon and anxiety and suddenly it was Darren again.

_Her_ Darren, her gentle, caring, considerate and nearly perfect boyfriend, enveloped in his embrace, not seeing him but sensing him, smelling him, feeling him towering over her, sheltering her, she knew him again, found him to be safe again.

The heavy weight was lifted up from her, she floated up to the surface and felt secure, she had him back and she stopped worrying, stopped wondering if she wasn't good enough and stopped worrying that she loved him too much, lost herself or compromised herself because something that felt so right couldn't be wrong.

She was _right_ the way she was, he was a part of her, his love _was_ her constant – it was nothing out of the ordinary that she would feel lost and broken without him. That was the world she lived in now, that was who she had grown to be.

"You're still an idiot", she mumbled against his skin releasing every ounce of muscle tension she still held, welcoming him back, finding her equal footing with him, albeit completely melting into his arms, surrendering to the feeling of wholesomeness he gave her.

"I know", he said kissing her temple, "I'm sorry about the Cory thing, I trust you and I believe you, I know he's your friend and I would never come between that and I will make an effort to be his friend too"

"Okay", Lea nodded, now feeling save to elaborate at least a little, "And I get that you're jealous, I understand, I died just knowing Mia got you for herself tonight, got to go to an event with you when I can't and it makes me angry and I understand how you feel towards Cory. I get jealous too"

"I thought about you all the time", he said, his breath running over her forehead and hair and his chest vibrating with the bass of his voice, "And a part of me really wants you out there with me, I want to take your hand in public, I want to mark my territory but I just can't yet. I can't put us out there. Mia gets hate mail because people just _assume_ she's with me and I would never keep up the front if she wouldn't keep insisting that she's okay with it. I don't want you to go through that, I don't want people to drive us apart. I know they couldn't but they will try"

"And I love you and I want to make this work, I just want a little more time to really build us...a foundation, you know? Something solid that we can fall onto when things get rough and they will get rough. We're so blissful, we're so new to this and we _are_ fragile. Not because I don't love you or you don't love me but because this is a new thing. At least it's a new thing for me and I'm terrified, I've never depended on someone so much,_ being_ with someone has never been so essential to my happiness, to my whole persona and I _can't_ loose you. I can't risk this for anything and I know you are disappointed and you are tired of waiting but just please, please trust me too, give us a little more time. We need to be a rock once this hits, not a blossom, okay?"

"You just want us to make it", she whispered because it made sense if you looked at it from that angle and naturally protecting what they had was the utmost priority, _the_ most important thing to guard and shield, "I get that"

"But you know, I thought, maybe on New Year's Eve...we can tell the others and then everyone else on _glee_, I think we can risk that", he offered and she knew it dragged at him, he was struggling to take that step, to involve more people, but she took the perspective gladly; at least at work they wouldn't need to keep it quiet anymore then.

"That sounds really good", she replied, trying not to sound too triumphant, knowing how it would make him feel cornered once they told them, that he would feel vulnerable and even more guarded than before.

"I love you", he said and kissed the top of her head, obviously happy that she could agree with this compromise, "and I'm sorry for being a fucking asshole"

"I love you too", she hummed, feeling like the world was alright again, everything back at its place, "And it's okay, just...just hold me, alright?"

He did as he was told and Lea closed her eyes, falling asleep in his embrace while her anxiety faded, replaced by a stillness and calm she'd never really appreciated before.

_You only know what you got until it's gone_, was the last thing she thought before drifting off.

oOo

The next time she woke up was in the morning when Darren left for another long day of rehearsal. He kissed her gently on the cheek and whispered that he loved her and that he would be back at seven or eight and left the apartment. She smiled as she went back to sleep.

When she woke up for good a consderable while later she could barely move. She'd slept in the same position all night, wrapped around him and even when he left she didn't move, staying close to where the sheets smelled like him.

She winced as she moved her head and her hand found her cell on the bedside table.

"Mom?", she muttered when her mother picked up with her usual chipper greeting, "Can we go to the spa today? I feel like I've been hit by a truck"

Her mother quickly said yes and two hours later they met at their favorite downtown spa, ready to be relaxed.

Lea was bouncy, despite looking like death. Even though she had slept deeply, her eyes where underlined with dark shadows and her skin was almost pale, something that made no biological sense. Every now and then she remembered the fight and her features would falter but she quickly found her way back to her happy place, the memory of his arms around her, of his whispered _I love you_'s in the air.

Edith, her Mom, met her in front of the Spa and hugged her tightly, not failing to notice that her daughter looked slightly different.

"What happened? You look like you had a rough night", the woman asked worriedly as they walked through the empty lobby towards the reception desk.

"Darren and I had a huge fight", Lea answered openly, not keeping secrets from her mother, ever, "But we reconciled, he came back in the middle of the night and apologized like seventy times"

"And you forgave him?", Edith whispered before greeting the young woman behind the desk, booking a full five hours for the long treatment; massage, sauna, thermal bath and sound meditation.

"Yes", Lea nodded almost serene as another girl led them to the closed area where they could get changed.

"What was the fight about?", her Mom asked, looking around to make sure they were alone.

"He was jealous of Cory", she said, "because I saw him so much yesterday and the day before and I got mad because he has absolutely no right and reason to be jealous and to distrust me like that and then he took his decoy-girlfriend, his _ex_, to some event to get back at me. But he came back and he apologized and he loves me and it's alright"

Her Mom raised an eyebrow, her forehead wrinkled. She had only met Darren twice in passing when they hadn't been together yet and Lea knew that she was fond of him, even if they had never really spoken and apparently Edith had troubles imagining an ugly, jealous side to Darren – just as Lea would've, had she not seen it in action.

"Why hide you then?", she asked, truly her daughter's Mom.

"That's what I was so upset about", Lea repeated, "but he explained to me how he sees it, how he wants us to have a solid foundation, a firm ground to stand on before we let the world know, so that the nay-Sayers can't possibly hurt us anymore..and that's what I want too, so we are on the same page now"

"Well it seems to be working, word on the street is that you're _indeed_ with Cory", her mother remarked, putting her white robe on, "Everybody asks me about him and I always say '_Not to my knowledge_'"

"Well, we're kinda...um..okay, I know this sounds bad but Cory and I are kinda playing it up, like..Darren and I think it can only work to our advantage if we..kinda push things into a certain light", she admitted sheepishly and felt found out and embarrassed doing so, she still didn't like that whole thing much but it was what would keep her and Darren safe from exposure until further notice, "We've always been close and I asked him if he would do me - do _us_ - the favor and he's been very kind about it and the media buys it and people on set are convinced they have us figured out and Darren and I are safe. Nobody even suspects a thing"

"You just don't seem to happy about it, that's all", her mother said after a while of studying her features closely.

"I'm not", Lea revealed freely, "but it's what's best. Sure I want to walk hand in hand down the street with him but right now, it's just not in zje cards yet and we're not at a place where we're about found-out, as I said, no one even thinks to put us together, we've kept it on the down-low pretty well. So we'll keep things like they are. Except we might tell people at _glee_ once he comes back from _How To Succeed._ We will definitely tell everyone who's at our New Year's Eve party. I don't want to spend the night worrying about being close to him. I don't want the rest of my year to be like that. It's just that I can't loose him, I can't be without him, I need him and I love him and so I will do what he thinks is best for us"

Edith glanced at her from the side and Lea thought she almost seemed bewildered, maybe at her neediness, her open declaration of an almost dependent state but she chose to not dwell on this notion too much, she didn't want to think about it anymore.

Her mother seemed to notice this and changed the subject as they walked through the corridor to the massage room, "I can't wait to meet his parents properly, they seemed so nice at the movie premiere"

"You're gonna love them", Lea promised, "They're amazing, warm people"

"Oh Lea", Edith said pausing, hit by a thought, hand on the doorknob to the Spa room, "Jenna's coming too at New Year's?"

Lea nodded.

"Then you should tell her about you and Darren right now", she advised and then added explanatory, "She won't be happy learning it with the rest, you've been friends for so long"

oOo

Lea called Jenna the first thing as she came home. The Asian girl picked up the phone at the fourth ring, voice enthusiastic and bubbly. It reminded Lea oddly that life outside her and Darren's bubble was still the same. That although they had had their first fight and she had learned many new things abut him and herself, things she had been afraid to admit, the outside world was still just how she'd left it and kept turning like nothing had happened.

"Hi", she said, "I just got back home, God, I love New York"

"Haha, yeah, don't we all", Lea chimed in, "D'you have a minute?"

"Sure", Jenna said and Lea could hear her walking through dim traffic, dragging a wheelie bag behind her, causing the typical clacking sounds of wheels on concrete.

"You and Michael are still coming over for New Year's right?", Lea started, earning a curt affirmation, "So there's something I need to tell you, and I should have told you a while ago but couldn't"

"God, Lea, that sounds scary, is something wrong?", Jenna asked, the sounds of her bag had ceased and were replaced with mum voices and the occasional foreign language being shouted across heads with the occasional understandable 'Taxi' calls in between.

"No, nothing scary", Lea assured, "Just something I'd wanted you to know but couldn't tell you until now. It's..um..it's that my _boyfriend_ will be there on New Year's Eve too"

For a second it was quiet at the other end and then Jenna's voice quipped a little higher.

"Boyfriend?", she asked, "Are you back with Theo or what?"

"No", Lea answered, wondering if she could just say it bluntly, too used to disguising the truth and giving vague answers, "But it's someone you know"

"Broadway or _glee_?", Jenna asked and she seemed to like the guessing game, becoming all animated suddenly as a car door slammed shut.

"Glee", Lea said.

"Cast or Crew?", Jenna shot back, "This is fun"

"Cast", Lea had to agree, this _was_ quite fun.

"Cory", Jenna said, terribly sure of herself.

"No"

There was a pointed pause, the dark haired girl had not been expecting that – the prompt silence told Lea as much.

"Sure it is", she argued after a while, "Come on, it's totally Cory"

"No, it's not, I swear", Lea said, head shaking uselessly because there was no one there to see it.

"Hmm...then it's Mark"

"No", Lea smirked, "Though I think I'll invite him too, he seems a little pissed at Barcelona"

"Oh God", Jenna exclaimed, she hadn't even listened to Lea, "It's not Darren, is it?"

"Well...", Lea thought this would do as confirmation..and it did.

"Shut the front door!", the girl said in genuine surprise, "I thought you weren't interested in him? How long?"

"Since West Side Story actually", Lea revealed and met silence again and now she was afraid Jenna would be disappointed that she hadn't told her earlier.

"Wow", Jenna merely said, "I had no idea. But it sort of makes sense, he was always all over you and then suddenly he wasn't anymore..Why didn't you tell me?"

"We want to keep it on the DL, we might tell _glee_ in February but we won't make it public-public for a while", Lea said, "I just wanted to let everyone know who's coming to the party so we don't have to worry about exposure"

"Who else knows?", Jenna asked, "I bet Dianna does"

"Yeah, she does, Jon and Cory", Lea affirmed, "And Chris but he found out by accident, he walked in on us kissing at Naya's party"

"Wow", Jenna repeated, "So Chris kept this secret well – normally he makes all these little hints and jabs when he's in on one"

"No, he didn't even talk to us about it, he just said '_I so knew it_' and never spoke of it again – except at Bravo, he nearly gave us away then..on national TV no less"

"How?", Jenna asked, excited with the prospect of a good story.

"We were talking about how we'd joked that Darren and I are secret siblings, that we look so much like the other and then Chris said that would be weird because it would be such a Luke and Leia thing and I hardly noticed at first but then I was like, '_Shit Chris, do you even know what you just said?_'"

Jenna laughed at the other end, "What did you say?"

"I don't know, I think I said '_Haha, right_' or something dumb like that, I couldn't really think and then I just hoped the moment would pass fast which it gladly did but that was a scare, no one picked up on it though. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you so that you're prepared and I'm happy that I finally could and I'm sorry I didn't do it sooner, I hope you're not mad"

"Nah, it's fine", Jenna said and Lea could hear her even and casual smile through the phone, "But it's juicy news now, I think it's cool, you guys make a cute couple, Naya is gonna feel so acclaimed when she finds out"

"Come February", Lea reminded her and Jenna hurried to agree, "So I'll see you on the 31st at the latest?"

"Sure", Jenna said, "But wow, that's really some news..and are you happy?"

"Ecstatic", Lea answered truthfully, "I love him so much, it's unreal, we had a fight yesterday and I thought I would die"

"Oh", Jenna gasped sympathetically, "But it wasn't too bad, was it?"

"It was quite bad and it was our first real fight ever", Lea mused, the whole thing seeming more like a distant memory each time she talked about it, "I was scared I'd lost him but he came around and I think _we_ came out stronger"

"That's good, every couple kinda needs to find their way into fighting, Michael and I dodged every kind of conflict at first and we really had to get ourselves together to fight some stuff out, I think it's never good to harvest hard feelings until everything implodes completely", Jenna said, "It poisons the relationship"

"You're right", Lea agreed and was glad that Jenna understood, "Are you free tonight by the way? Dianna and Harry wanna go out for dinner"

"Aww, I'm going out with the fam", Jenna said regretfully, "But you guys have fun, is Darren coming too?"

"Probably, depends when he gets out of rehearsal", Lea answered, organizing her kitchen table neatly.

"Does Harry know?", Jenna asked curiously.

"No", Lea sighed, "and I don't think we'll tell him yet, we're also in a public place so there won't be any display of affection anyway"

"Yeah..you know that was probably the thing that irked me if I think about it", her friend mused on the other line, "That he doesn't cling to you as much as he used to and that you're always all over everybody but never over him"

Lea scoffed a laugh, "Ha! He doesn't let me. Plus if I would start on him in public with the whole girlfriend thing I couldn't be stopped"

"_I'd mount him like a lioness_", Jenna imitated Lea's voice followed by giggles of the two, "What does that even mean?"

"What can I say? He's so irresistible", Lea said in an old-movie kind of over the top voice and added a stage-sigh for fair measure.

Jenna cooed then and after they'd exchanged their usual end-of-call-friendliness, Lea put her phone on the counter and smiled at how well this had went. She was once again wholeheartedly thankful to be blessed with such a perfect, understanding, patient and easy-going, loyal friend as Jenna.

oOo

Darren barely made it to hers in time to get ready for dinner. She was already dressed and about ready to go when he popped into the apartment, kissed her quickly and hurried to the bedroom to get changed, slipping into one of his shirts from the stack she'd borrowed from him to sleep in.

"How was rehearsal?", she asked touching up her make-up in the corridor mirror.

"Fantastic", he called back happily, "I only flubbed about half of my lines instead of two thirds today"

"Oh you'll be fine", she laughed affectionately, knowing he always gave himself copious amounts of crap for getting lines wrong. It was endearing.

"I know but they still look at me like I'm this huge risk", he muttered in a way that she almost couldn't hear him two rooms over, "I just wanna show them that I can do this, that they didn't hire a total slob"

He stepped into the corridor in his new shirt with a scrunchy face that disappeared for a second to make way for an appreciative gasp at her outfit; a black satin blouse with skinny blue jeans but went back to scrunchy when he remembered his trail of thoughts.

"I want to do the thing justice, it's still fucking Broadway, man", he said and scratched the back of his neck, walking towards her as she put slim silver earrings on.

"You will honor it alright, babe and you're gonna be amazing", she said, extending one hand to grab him and pull him behind her, "I'm still bummed that I can't be at your opening night"

"I'm very very glad you can't", he huffed and earned a pointed glare from her, her lips a thin line and he smirked, leaning his head against hers as he closed his arms around her waist and looked at them in the mirror, "I'm gonna be sick with nerves just knowing that my family is there, if you were in the audience I'd probably die"

"Oh come on", she scolded and nudged his head.

"What? I just want to get into the flow of it a little better, I rather appreciate it that you're gonna see it a little later", he said, "I just want to make you proud"

"I already _am_ proud", Lea declared, "You're amazing and you work so hard and your performance will be nothing short of amazing, I'm sure they won't wanna let you go anymore at all"

"Or they'll kick me out with rage for ruining their multimillion dollar production", he kept on going.

"You shut up", Lea ordered and leaned against his chest, studying their reflection for a while.

They looked rather perfect together like this, him in his dark blue shirt, curly black hair mingling with her soft brown, his hazel golden eyes gleaming at her, alone enough to make her melt. His hands were folded over her stomach, hers finding their way to them, entwining their fingers.

"We're okay, aren't we?", she asked looking for a final confirmation that their fight was over and done with for good.

"We are", he whispered, "I'd say we're even more than okay"

"You're right", she agreed, reluctantly weaseling out of his grip because they were getting late, "We're fabulous"

Thirty minutes later they arrived in two separate cabs – Darren had taken his after leaving her apartment five minutes earlier to walk a few blocks away from it – at a sweet, little, under-the-radar Sushi Bar in the Village. Dianna met them smoking outside and Harry joined them just as she threw away the butt. They all hugged each other, Darren and Harry sharing one of those hand-shake-one-harm-bear hugs before walking in and taking their reserved table at the back, shielded from most windows and potential curious looks from other guests.

Harry grilled Darren on Broadway and before their dinner was served, Lea had already filled Dianna in on their fight and make-up in a short and hushed conversation the men wouldn't have been able to catch if they tried.

In this setting, with the great food and animate conversation Lea had no effort to distract herself from the fact that she couldn't be closer to Darren, or ruffle his hair like she wanted to, she was content and joyous just the way the evening went. Her sushi was exquisite and they laughed heartily between bites at little memories and stories of their past year at _glee_.

In the end, Lea and Darren wound up actually sharing a cab after a rather clumsy act of improv theater specially for Harry about how they were both going into the same direction and they could might as well split the bill. Lea was still sure the tall guy hadn't picked up on anything as they said goodbye.

Dianna hugged her extra tight and asked her to call so they could talk a little more en detail and Lea promised to do so the next day.

Darren payed the whole taxi bill eventually even though he had the driver let him out two blocks earlier, just to be safe. She rolled her eyes slightly but let him have the extra caution if it made him happy.

He almost beat her to her front door too, meeting her by the elevators, a little red and panting.

"I had a wonderful night", she said and he smiled at her, glancing around quickly to make sure no one was coming around the corner and kissed her quickly, before taking the stairs.

Lea felt good, mindlessly smiling to herself, the scars of the day before already just a faint shadow. She knew somewhere in the back of her mind that there would need to be a time to sit herself down and decipher why she needed him so much and how good or destructive that could potentially be but at that moment she was just happy.

Happy she had Darren, happy to spend her first Christmas and New Year's with him and happy as a clam when he wrapped her in his arms that night and touched and kissed all the world around them away once more.

**Author's Note: **The next installment will be Christmas and then New Year's afterward. That's all I have planned out so far and we'll see what happens in the real world, to see if I can build my following chapters around that or maybe have it end after New Year's. There will definitely be a hiatus because no Learren is happening right now so I have nothing to build up on after New Year's. You should check my tumblr to be up to date on the process of this story. My URL is: jackpotgirl DOT tumblr DOT com.

Now I have a question which I would love you to answer in your review, should you be as awesome as to review: _Would you like to have the Christmas chapter in Darren's POV or would you find a change in perspective weird at this point? Would you like to explore his head for a change or do you feel content in Lea's?_


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: **Okay, this is Darren's POV because people wanted it. The next one will be Lea's again but I consider this a nice little experiment :)

Please do tell me what you thought.

**Chapter Eight**

Chai Latte. That's what she smelled like to him, that was the scent he caught from every corner coffee shop through all other distinct smells of the city. He would walk by, be that in Los Angeles or New York, and catch a whiff of the hyped tea drink and momentarily a million different images and memories would flood his brain.

That had happened even before they were dating, even before he'd been single and back then it caused him to feel horrible for a while. Now it made him smile when it happened.

Except that time at the beginning of the holidays when they'd had their big fight. He'd dragged himself to the benefit and met Mia, who immediately noticed he was off but had the courtesy not to pry.

She was great like that, had always been. She was easy-going and chill, she didn't over-analyze things and was very fond of having a good time, a firm believer in a policy she called "Avoiding Uncomfortableness", being involved with her had been simple and without complications. She was also one of those girls who didn't want to be completely tied down and offered the same privileges to the guy she was with.

So when they ended it over the summer, he'd actually felt worse about it than he would've had to because she was neither very shocked nor surprised. They'd floated right back into friendship with zero awkwardness in about two weeks post break-up and through the last half year it became hard to imagine that they'd really been intimate ever, she was like a bro to him now. And just like his guy friends she was straight forward with him but also loyal and patient.

When she realized that he was in no great emotional condition she did her best to keep his focus off of him and his twirling mind, doing most of the talking, making him look occupied so that the media outlets wouldn't catch too much of his mood and it was actually her to thank for that he kept up his smiley facade.

By the end of the night he was exhausted but also thankful that she'd made it so easy for him. He hugged her, not without feeling bad for using her like that. As a decoy first and secretly as a means of irking Lea too.

Because he had to face it, even if she promised she was okay with it; the decoy thing, she was getting some pretty bad tweets and mails for keeping up appearances with him and everything inside him ached and protested putting his friend through that but she kept insisting it was alright and so he didn't change anything. He would though, eventually. Still, it was just a little too convenient to end the pretense right away – as long, of course, as she didn't object. The second she would, he would try to get her out of the mess as safe as he could. It wouldn't be fair to throw her under the bus for his and Lea's "safety".

"Thank you", he muttered, squeezing her tightly, "For not asking and for everything else"

"It's fine, buddy", she shrugged and smiled, ruffling her hair lazily and he remembered that this had used to drive him wild when they were together but know it was just a girl fixing her hair and it seemed funny that feelings could change like this, "Whenever something else is up, call me..and I'll see you at your opening night"

He nodded and thanked her again, making an effort to pay her at least one decent smile. She deserved it and it was the least he could do after being horrible, borderline self-destructive and a goddamn piece of work all night.

He sent her on her way in a cab she'd hailed with a skillful, acclaimed New Yorker whistle and staggered through the streets aimlessly after watching the yellow car disappear behind the block. He'd lost his rep very much purposefully, sending him to his hotel to chill and was glad to not have company. He'd felt like hell and just wanted to find some low profile bar to lick his wounds and get drunk.

Except the thing about New York city was that there where coffee shops all over the place and that they were open 24/7. That's why when he'd walked across the second crossing on his improvised route he naturally passed one of those shops, where naturally everything smelled like caffeine and Chai Latte and all his efforts to ban Lea's face and their fight from his head where lost.

She was there in the cinnamon and most of all in the sweet vanilla scent attacking his senses, flashing pictures of her in front of his eyes, the way she'd looked when she'd started getting angry with him, her voice ringing in his ears, telling him to leave; something he hadn't been expecting her to do at all.

He'd wanted to provoke her, having planned to drop the Mia bomb – he already felt like the worst piece of scum for using this against Lea and for involving his friend in some idiotic attempt to get back at his girlfriend – to have Lea freak out, to make her angry, also in a way to make her admit that she was jealous too, to freak out like he'd freaked out so that he wouldn't feel like a manic lunatic.

But of course she hadn't read his script and reacted totally different than expected. He hadn't thought she would retreat into herself, send him away like that.

And then when she did start screaming she had not taken the bait, her anger was not based on jealousy as he'd intended, it was directed at him as it was due. Just that it had left him completely in shock.

His plan of getting mindlessly drunk had been diminished as soon as he'd smelled the tea in the air and he was dead sober on the cab ride back to her place, turning her key he'd picked back up from the coffee table during their fight – before she'd kicked him out – in his hand. He'd wondered what he would say to her and ended up just begging, hoping, wishing and praying and begging some more for her forgiveness.

He'd tried his best not to cry with desperation first and then relief later when she did and he was so glad to be able to just hold her, he swore he would never let it get so far again that he would have to fear he wouldn't be welcome in her bed anymore. The thought alone was excruciating.

Gladly they'd made it through the night and the time after the fight they'd handled each other a little more carefully at first but he was happy when they clicked back into place eventually and started going back to normal. Or as normal as their relationship could be.

He knew very well that Lea wasn't happy with their agreement of keeping their relationship a secret and she wouldn't be any time soon – probably not ever but he believed firmly that it was best.

They deserved a chance at this, they owed each other a solid foundation to build the relationship on and even if they were emotionally attached in a way that quite honestly terrified him, he knew they would have to build even deeper connections before he could allow the world to mingle in their business and load their judgment and opinions on them.

And most importantly they needed to earn each other's faith, they needed to be trusting each other fully and have their blind emotional and physical need for each other settle a bit into normality. They were sick and desperate for each other. Their honeymoon phase was more intense – also in its highs and lows – than he'd ever thought possible, a clear sign that there needed to be more time and every day life to polish them to endure whichever obstacles they might had to overcome in the future. They were burning up for each other and while that felt nice and scary at the same time it was precisely the wrong time to put the pressure of exposure on them. When the wildfire had made way for a steady, sheltered flame, when there was warmth not heat, that's when they could be together out in the open but right then and there, the time just wasn't right yet.

He hoped everyday that she would grow to understand him and not harvest a secret animosity for keeping her in the shadows. He didn't know where she got the idea but the night after the fight they were whispering to each other under the sheets she had asked him if he was embarrassed of her and hiding her because of that.

"Why would you even think that?", he'd protested, twisting a strand of her auburn hair in his fingers.

"I don't know", she admitted, "I just get scared sometimes, that you've finally figured out that I'm just some idiot kid with a pair of nice legs that can't really keep up with you"

"You start sounding like me way too much", he smirked but then was committed to get his point across, "You're the single most greatest person I have ever met. Ever, Lea. I told you a million times but, hey, I'll say it again if you want me to. And even though I have to admit that your legs are fantastic, they can't hold a candle to this-"

He touched the left side of her chest gently, where her heart was.

"-or this", he said, bringing his hand up to remove some hairs from her forehead and then kissing it softly, "You're perfect and wonderful and never in a million years would I be embarrassed of you. If I could I would carry you around Time Square on one hand, pat my chest with the other and yell '_Mine_' at everyone who passes us"

"And climb the Empire State, holding me in your fist, huh?", Lea finally chuckled, catching his drift and snuggled closer to him.

He laughed quietly in response and wrapped his arms tightly around her, he loved how seamlessly she fit in there, their difference in height so perfect for all kinds of cuddling it felt like they'd been designed as a package deal somewhere.

"I don't want you to ever think I'm not anything but obnoxiously proud that I somehow managed to end up with you", he added to a couple of kisses he trailed on her hairline.

"Just keep reminding me", she'd added before her hands traveled south.

That night, he found out that everything they say about make up sex is true. Lea gazed up at him the whole time like he was the most precious thing in the world to her and beyond this turning him on, it also made him proud and reaffirmed him and he repayed her with putting extra effort into reading her reactions.

He knew what she liked to start out with but he pushed the envelope a bit, trying some new things, some new angles, registering just what she enjoyed and what he wouldn't do again.

Lea on her part was just as eager to please him and to help him figure her out, she guided his hands, breathed harder when she liked something and redirected his efforts when she didn't.

It was like they were getting to know each other again, tangled up in damp sheets, hands in each others hair, wandering up and down each others bodies and when he towered over her, clasped between her legs he couldn't help to smile when her eyes glistened with tears.

She looked away self consciously as the first one ran down her cheek.

"Don't laugh at me", she muttered barely audible.

"I'm not laughing, I think it's endearing", he answered, not pausing with his movements.

"You think it's endearing that – ungh", she had to stop talking for a second as her eyes rolled back into her head and he felt accomplished, "You think it's endearing that you're making me cry?"

Darren had to take a while answering himself because their current angle worked wonders for them both apparently.

"But it's not sad tears", he said once he could again, a distant part of his brain pushing away the fact that she'd probably cried those very sad tears the night before because of him.

"No", she breathed, her fingernails digging into his back, "Not sad tears"

"I love you", he cooed, bending down to kiss her salty cheeks and her lips and only released them for her to repeat the three words to him.

They barely slept that night but even when he felt beaten and tired the next day at rehearsal, he didn't feel sorry in the slightest.

Christmas was fast approaching and while they would both spend the 25th with their families; Lea with her huge Italian one in the Bronx and Darren with his parents at Chucks place, they'd resolved to spend Christmas Eve with Chuck and his fiancé.

In the morning Lea met with Dianna for lunch and Darren was at rehearsal again. He'd gotten into the swing of things better yet, his lines still were sprinkled with flubs but at least the choreographies were sinking in with ease.

He also had another interview, he'd had about three within the past week and no outlet had failed to at least try to ask him about his love life. He always declined answering, saying his usual mantra of "I might be, I might not be" - in a relationship that was. He still smirked though, saying it, thinking of Lea every time.

He got back to his rented apartment at half past six, texting Lea to meet him in the West Village, at a Subway station near to where Chuck lived. He still took the Subway even if he got recognized sometimes.

But then again he got recognized everywhere, may that be a clothing store, the Subway or at the Whole Foods in Lea's neighborhood where she'd sent him to buy cucumbers the other day.

A little after seven she hopped out of a black SUV cab, her hair tied back in a pony tail, with black leather boots up to her knees and a gift bag in her hand. She drew him into a very quick hug and pecked him on the cheek. Her eyes were clouded with restraint as he sat her back on her full feet and he could see how she clung harder to the gift bag so she wouldn't cling to him.

A part of him would always feel bad to put her in that place where she constantly couldn't act on what they both wanted but her easy smile and even steps beside him distracted him well enough.

"I bought Champagne for dinner", she informed him as they walked around the corner into a calm side street with old city houses lining the boardwalks, "The fancy stuff"

"Laura will be delighted", Darren said.

"And I got gifts for them too and for your parents but nothing huge, just something nice to give to them tomorrow when you see them"

"That's so sweet but really not necessary", Darren lamented, "Also now I look like an ass because I have nothing for your parents"

"That's alright", Lea hurried to say, "I just thought I'd pay them my respects for their hospitality for letting me stay at your house"

"_I _let you stay in that house, you should be paying _me_ respects", he huffed mockingly, nudging her shoulder.

"You'll get your Christmas present too, alright", she huffed back, "You just wait"

"You bought me a gift too?", he said, hitting his hand to his heart over-dramatically, pulling a grimace of awe and surprise much like someone who'd just won an Oscar.

"Of course", she nodded.

"What is it?", he asked, wondering if he could pry it out of her.

"You'll find out soon enough", she shrugged adamantly, "I'm not telling you before dinner, no chance"

"But I can guess?", he tried again, more playfully.

"You'll never guess it anyway", she smiled up at him smugly, "So knock yourself out"

"Okay..hmm, let's see..you're not carrying a giant suitcase, so it isn't a big present", he started.

"You think?"

"A-huh..so it might be coming in an envelope?"

"No"

"But it's small"

"Not really"

"So it's big?"

"Not really"

"Medium size?"

"Sort of", she quipped and giggled at his efforts and he was happy that she was having a good time with this.

"Okay, sort of medium sized it is"

"Maybe not only, maybe it's really tiny too", Lea hinted.

"How can it be medium sized and tiny at the same time?", he wondered incredulously.

"I don't know..can you believe that?", Lea laughed.

"Wait, no, it's two things!", he almost yelled with the revelation, "One's medium sized and one is tiny...just like us"

Lea stopped smiling for a second, not having thought he'd catch on to her elusive hint but effectively ending his guessing game by turning it around.

"So what did you get me?", she asked.

"A large pack of condoms", he shrugged with no hint of sarcasm.

"Yeah, right", she scoffed.

"No really", he said, raising an eyebrow.

"And what should I do with that? Make water balloons?", Lea wasn't having a minute of it, she knew just as well as him that they didn't make much use of condoms. They had in the beginning but once they'd figured out that their thing was for the long run, they'd relied on her birth control.

"Okay, it's not condoms", he admitted, "But it would have been awesome to see Chuck's face if I'd put those under the tree"

"Oh God", Lea chuckled, "I'd have been mortified"

"But then Chuck could've reassured my Dad that we're being safe", he said, nudging her towards a stony staircase up to Chuck's town house.

Lea was still laughing when he rang the door bell.

"Darren?", she sighed when she joined him on the top step.

"What?"

"How am I gonna go back to LA without you?", she asked, furrowing her brow at him, "And then deal with you being away for three weeks? I don't think I can handle that"

"Oh, you'll be fine", he waved off but her bright smile had made way to a pursed mouth that left no doubt of her true worries.

"I'm gonna miss you so badly", she muttered, not in the least joking, "It's gonna tear me in two"

"I'll be back before you even notice I was gone", he assured her, squeezing her hand lightly.

"Trust me, I will notice", she held on to his hand and he figured it was alright, no one who would pass them could see them in the dim light.

"We'll talk on _skype_ whenever we can and I'll be back with you in no time"

"Still, it's almost a month and I'm not gonna like it", she murmured stubbornly just as Chuck opened the door with an energetic swing and ushered them inside with a quick hug for Darren and a polite handshake for Lea – after all, they'd only met once and very briefly.

"Merry Christmas", Lea piped beside him and passed the gift bag with the Champagne on, "I hope this is alright for dinner?"

"Of course, thank you", Chuck said as they walked to the living-dining room where Laura, Chucks fiancée, waited for them with appetizers.

Lea went right over to her and introduced herself while Darren took their coats to the wardrobe and then followed Chuck into the kitchen.

"She looks even prettier from that close", Chuck said approvingly, as if congratulating his baby brother on his catch.

"I know", he nodded and then looked around the corner to find Lea and Laura engaged in a conversation by the Christmas tree, "She'll be gone after New Year's. Back to LA. And that sucks, like, I know she has to go back and I really don't want her to see me at Opening Night but..you know, it's Broadway and it's her thing and it's ridiculous but I kinda, irrationally thought she would be with me on this"

"What's she gonna do?", Chuck shrugged, "She has to work, right?"

"Yeah", Darren nodded sheepishly, he didn't want Lea to know that he would go a little nuts too with her gone, it wouldn't do them any good if they were both freaking out about it but he'd hoped Chuck would at least understand him, "I'll just miss her, I guess"

"You'll get her back", Chuck chuckled a bit at his brothers dramatics.

Darren swallowed a remark about Cory, about how the taller man should stay away from his girlfriend but then again when they fought, Lea had had a point. He had pushed for them to use stupid decoy tactics or at the very least he didn't tell her not to do it and so he really had no right to throw jabs at Cory.

And really he had no problem with the guy, it was just that he knew how Lea could be, how enchanting, how breathtaking and amazing and he thought that he wasn't the only one who felt like that about her..and if – given the opportunity – Cory wouldn't try to approach her.

Hell, he himself had approached her when she was still dating someone else, he was no better.

Of course nothing had ever happened between them but he had made sure to let Lea know that he was an option.

It killed him to imagine Cory doing the same and Lea going for the offer. He cringed just thinking how he'd feel if Lea left him. There would merely be a shadow of him left, he knew that much, he wouldn't even be able to get up in the morning.

"Boys", Lea's loud voice called from the living room then, audible proof that she felt happy and comfortable in the new environment, otherwise she wouldn't have yelled like she owned the place, "what are you gushing about, hiding in the kitchen?"

"We were just catching up a little", Darren smiled, careful not to let her in on their conversation and stepped out into the living room.

Lea joined him in a heartbeat, one arm snaking around his waist and she leaned her head lightly against his shoulder, "The tree is so wonderful..who's taking credit for it?"

"Chuck put it up", Laura smiled, "But I did most of the decorating"

"Hey, I also put the lights on it", Chuck protested and they all laughed when they moved to the set dinner table.

Laura and Lea excused themselves to get the rest of the food on the table and while Darren wasn't all too comfortable letting the women cater to them, he could see that Lea drew a very great kick out of it. She did love to play house from time to time and she loved everything about serving food anyway – even if she hadn't cooked it herself for a change.

They had mixed starters and a veggie plate for Lea, Laura asking Darren about Broadway and later Lea practically interrogated Chuck about _Freelance Whales_.

"Darren showed me some of your songs and I just had to get it all on iTunes and now I'm addicted", she said and Chuck thanked her.

He seemed happy for the recognition and all through dinner, Lea would remember some other questions she wanted to ask him. She also had lots to talk to Laura about, mostly shoes and dresses, as cliché as it was. Darren was happy that she fit in so seamlessly, he knew how much she worried about his family and friends liking her. Whenever she met new people in his life she was slightly on edge about it, worried that the important people in his life wouldn't approve of her.

Something she shouldn't be worrying about at all, wonderful as she was, he thought, listening to Lea and Laura happily retracing their New York childhood,. Laura was from New York too and so the girls had lots of topics to go through before the main course was over and done with and Chuck declared they would open their gifts now.

Darren jumped off his seat excitedly and took his wine to the couch facing the Christmas tree. He felt positively twelve again and tried to make out which ones of the packages under the tree were for him.

Chuck had gotten him a new case and set of drumsticks and Laura had bought him a crime novel, although she admitted that she didn't know when on earth he'd find the time to read it.

Chuck and Laura gave each other a trip to Barbados so they were only unwrapping Lea's and Darren's gifts. He had bought a couple of shirts for Chuck, so that he didn't always have to borrow his and Lea had picked out a pair of earrings for Laura, which the latter put on immediately and for the rest of the night he could see her looking out for reflecting surfaces to appreciate her new "bling".

"Okay, now I get your gift", he said resolutely turning to Lea after she'd unpacked a coffee table book with pictures of New York City, her present from Chuck and Laura.

"Fine", Lea nodded, carefully putting her book to the side, "I put them under the tree"

Wrapped in glossy silver paper that yelled '_Lea_', Darren didn't mistake his presents; one was a little cube and the other was a square box.

He brought them back to the couch and looked up at her, finding her smiling with anticipation as he took up the bigger package for unwrapping.

The paper came off easily and revealed a six DVD super special edition of all the Lord Of The Rings movies and he yelped because, well..Lord Of The Rings!

"First I'd picked up the High School Musical Box Set but you already got that so..", she explained and he chuckled, pulling her in for a chaste kiss. He needed to be careful not to ravish her in front of his brother – that would have been awkward.

"Thank you", he said, "I always said I wanted it but never got around to buying it and this one even has all the special features, god, it's perfect"

Lea smiled knowingly and patted his knee, "Open the second one..but I need to explain a bit..I don't want you to freak out"

He knew what she meant the second he opened the little black box and found a ring and a small purple stone in the middle of it. He tilted his head, waiting for her to elaborate.

"It's a mood ring", she said, taking it out of the box and showing him the dark violet ring, holding it out for him to put his finger through, "I know you love your rings and so I thought I should give you one that's also useful because it tells you how you feel if you're not sure"

He laughed at that let her put it on him, watching it slowly changing color to a full indigo blue.

"What does blue mean?", he asked her curiously.

"Well um..green means you're feeling neutral, red means you're anxious, beige means you're bored, black means you're anxious and blue, blue means that you feel love", she explained grinning and he couldn't help but kiss her again.

"And when I'm away and you want to send me a message you can wear this and I will see it on the paps pictures and know how you feel at the same time", she muttered in a hushed voice, a lot quieter than before so that the others would have problems hearing her.

"Thank you", he repeated and took her hand in his, the ring still a deep blue.

"The stone is an amethyst", she went on, nodding her head towards the stone left in the box, "It's said to help with spirituality and contentment, so you can take it on stage with you and it'll settle you when you get nervous..it's my good luck charm for you because I can't be there"

"I love you so much", he whispered then, leaning against her so their foreheads nudged together.

He was really moved, even though he'd known she would probably get him something with meaning he was still smitten that she'd managed to get him just what he needed; nothing of ridiculous prizes, just heartfelt gestures that meant so much more.

"Now I'm afraid you won't like my gift though", he muttered but she immediately shook her head resolutely.

"That's not possible", she promised, "Well..unless you got me a horse carriage ride, in which case we would have to break up"

He scoffed, reluctantly getting up to produce an oblong box from his canvas bag, "If I ever want to get rid of you I'd do that"

The gift for her was wrapped in the iconic Tiffany's turquoise that made her eyes widen just by one glance and he brought it over to her, putting it in her hands. Their banter about horse carriages instantly forgotten.

"You didn't need to", she breathed looking down at the box, almost afraid to open it.

"I didn't have to take a loan, it's just a little something", he laughed, "Just open it"

She looked at him once again and he could see her holding her breath before she started tucking at the paper.

He hoped she didn't expect a diamond collier now. Not that he hadn't spent good money on it but it was still on the lower range of jewelry prizes he'd stalked past at his trip to the famous Tiffany's in the city.

He ended up picking what he picked because it reminded him of her, not because of the prize tag.

Lea seemed more than content with his choice though when she opened the lid, shooting a look down at it then back up at him and then back at his gift.

"It's beautiful Darren!", she exclaimed before flinging her free arm around him and pecking that part of his neck she landed on.

"I'm glad you like it", he smiled when she let him go and gestured towards the necklace still sitting in a box, asking her to turn around so he could put it on her.

It was a golden, delicate and discrete chain with a little butterfly charm dangling down from it and when she turned back to him, beaming, he could see that it looked wonderful on her, sitting in between her collar bones like she'd never worn anything else.

"It matches your tattoos", he said unnecessarily when she glanced down and ran her fingertip over the pendant.

"I love it", she reassured and cupped his face gently. He searched her features for any sign of present face but she looked sincerely and genuinely happy and he could finally breathe freely again, happy that she seemed to really like his present.

They didn't leave for another two hours, enjoying Strawberry Cheesecake and another bottle of wine after they emptied Champagne and Lea hugged Chuck and Laura extra tight before tumbling out the door with a huge grin.

Darren hugged them goodbye as well but not as wildly because he'd see them again the next day for their family Christmas and so when he got back to Lea it had almost been too late.

Everything happened really fast, he'd just taken the last step when he heard tires shriek and Lea's heels clicking away on the concrete and he barely saw what happened because he acted on instinct then, jumping to her side, grabbing her tightly by the arm and pulling her away from the street when a black fancy car almost hit her.

"What the fuck are you doing you son of a bitch?", he yelled after the car uselessly, still clasping her against him, "Asshole!"

He couldn't think straight for a second and she couldn't either, both momentarily sober as they stood on the sidewalk, entwined in a terrified hug.

"Are you okay?", he asked her after a few seconds, still in shock.

"I..I..think so", she stuttered.

"That fucking dick nearly hit you", Darren breathed, his brain only now starting to piece together the other outcome of the scenario. Lea run over by some fucker, Lea in hospital, Lea possibly fighting for her life..and possibly loosing. He pulled her closer as his throat dried out.

"I didn't pay attention", she muttered, "It was my fault"

"Bullshit, he was driving way too fast", Darren said louder, "Did you see his plate? I'm gonna sue the bitch, holy shit"

"It's okay", Lea hurried and reached for his face, making him look at her, she was shaken, yes, but still shot him a calming smile, "You just saved my life"

"God, Lea", he only noticed that he'd been holding his breath as he let it go now, ducking down to kiss her forcefully, wanting to push the thoughts of her hurt far far away. He didn't give a rats ass if anybody saw them, in that very second he would have kissed her in the middle of time square in front of everybody. Shit, he'd almost just potentially lost the love of his life.

When Lea was fast asleep in his arms that night, he still didn't seem to be able to get over the near-miss disaster. He didn't even think about what her parents would say or their friends, he just thought about himself, how he would feel, this already took up that much capacity of his brain that he wasn't able to find sleep. Everything else could barely fit in there anymore.

How would he live if he lost her? And worse not to her own choice but to tragedy? And suddenly he thought of all the things that could be happening to her, a plain crash, a traffic accident, a maniac shooting her, her tripping down stairs, her elevator crashing...all possible horrifying scenarios playing in front of his inner eye. His hands closed tighter around her involuntarily as he tried to keep the demons entertained.

What if he lost her by force? What would happen to him then? How could he make sure she would always be safe? How could he possibly let her go anywhere without him watching over her?

He knew it was impossible but he felt the strongest yearning to follow her everywhere, protect her, just to make sure nothing could ever take her away from him, to be certain that nothing could harm her.

"Darr'n", her voice came feeble and clouded with sleep, "Babe, you're squishing me"

Gasping in surprise he let her go a little, apparently he had tightened his grip on her even further.

"Go back to sleep", she whispered, patting his arm around her tummy in her usual little spoon position.

"I'm trying", he whispered back, "I've just been thinking about the accident and it's keeping me up"

"It wasn't an accident", she insisted, "I'm fine, Babe"

"But it was damn close", Darren didn't let himself be appeased that easily, "I could have lost you"

"No car can take me down", her fingers twisted his arm hairs patiently as she spoke, "I'm a Sarfati, we've got thick skulls"

"I hope so", he muttered, "I guess I just want what I can't have"

"What is that?", she asked curiously, turning in his arms to face him, her head tilted in question.

"Some kind of guarantee?", he tried to verbalize what he desired, "A promise from the universe that nothing is gonna take you away from me, that you'll always be there and we will always love each other. But there's no such thing"

"I know", she whispered, scooping closer to him, "There's never a guarantee but I can promise you that I will always care about you – you're a part of me now, you know? And for as long as I live there'll be your name on some wall in my heart..you'll always have a piece of me. And a home in there"

"Can't we just have a contract or something?", Darren muttered, a lot more at ease than before, "Us two and the universe?"

Lea laughed her delicious throaty laugh and threw her arm out, over to the bedside table and she rummaged around before turning back to him, holding a ballpoint pen.

"Give me your hand", she ordered and he obliged.

"I will never leave you and love you forever", she read as she wrote on his skin, "signed, L xoxo"

And then she took his other hand, reading along again.

"I will never take Lea away from you and never take you away from Lea – signed, the universe"


End file.
